The Dom Next Door Unchained – Anabelle

Welcome to the third installment of what is hopefully now on its way to becoming a more regular feature of TDND™ – Unchained. Not more than a week or so removed from just the second, I get to introduce the third. And what a story it is.

Unchained is what many refer to as guest blogging, but with a twist. Rather than inviting a blogging peer to write something on or about a particular subject, Unchained has a theme:

Discourses, thoughts and reactions on any of the various offerings found on The Dom Next Door™ and how they were affected by them.

It might be in regards to a story, or perhaps a random BDSM musing. Maybe some poetry struck a chord. Or simply the blog in general.

So link by link, the Peekers™ forge their chain of tales. Stories that are at the core of what this blog is really about – the demystification of the stereotypical D/s persona and dynamic, as well as helping Peekers™ find their inner Dom or sub.

This one started with a simple, polite message thanking me for saving something. I don’t want to get ahead of myself and spoil her story so I’ll stop at that. It is a tale months in the making, both literally and figuratively. But, as you will read, it was well worth the wait, effort and strength it took to write.

Not ashamed to say my eyes moistened the first time I read it. Humbled is a word I use frequently. Many comments and reactions make me feel that way. But this was different. As in swallowing (stop it…perverts) hard as I read it. Whatever the next level of being humbled is, this did it.

It is my humbled (see?) honor to Unchain Anabelle:

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You have no idea how many times I’ve tried to write this thing. I promised it to Scot months ago, and yet I couldn’t really get to it until now. I suppose that admitting my inability to express how I feel about this topic may mean that it’s bigger than words, but still deserves to be explored.

But let’s start from the beginning: there was a boy and a girl, and they’ve been together now for almost 6 years. There was a decision, 2 years ago, and the girl left the boy behind, without breaking up, thinking that they were strong enough, that they could deal with the distance, that they would be okay living in different provinces.

But then, after 6 months, they realized they weren’t okay.

So the girl makes another decision, decides that she should come back, because her relationship is more important than a degree. She spent some time in the dog house, in another city still, but closer. So finally, after a year and a half of separation, she comes back to him, hopefully to start a good life together, to start over, but for real this time. No more leaving.

But then, even after she’s come back, something seems to be missing. The spark in bed is not always there. The sex is infrequent, good but not often enough. There’s a part of her, the kinky part that she’s known about since she was 14, that isn’t fulfilled.

And then, one day, she finds The Dom Next Door. It was on Twitter, through some other writers she follows. And then she starts reading. She reads it at work, spends most of the day reading and not working. And the next day, she is still reading and not working. She knows this is what she wants, this is what she needs. Not Scot and Leigh’s relationship, exactly, but a kinky relationship of her own. Committed, real, meaningful. And she wants it with him, of course, because he is the love of her life and she could not imagine herself without him, ever.

I’m not sure I’m getting my thoughts through here. What I mean to say is: TDND saved my sex life.

After two weeks of reading, lurking and thinking, I wrote my love a long email telling him how I felt. I told him how much this meant to me, how much I needed to share this with him. I told him that it’s how I connect to him, that it’s how I express my love, that it’s how I want to live my sexuality with him.

Scot always emphasizes the importance of communication. Without this email, I would have remained frustrated and unsatisfied. And without TDND, I wouldn’t have realized that I needed to tell him, so very, very badly.

My honesty opened up our relationship. We purchased a dining table so we could talk. Have you ever lived with your significant other without a dining table? There’s nowhere to sit down and talk, face to face. What did we do? Couch, TV. Yeah, not much conversation there, I know. We are closer, not only sexually, but emotionally as well. I am hopeful for our future together, and I am enjoying the present deeper than I ever have before.

So no, there’s no kinky story here, no opening the door to my bedroom. Our kinks are our own, and I want to keep it that way. I admire Scot and Leigh’s courage to share this with us; I’m sure it has helped countless people, not just me. But I did want to share how their story changed mine. Thanks to them, I have a model to look up to, a couple to emulate. We are not the same people, of course, but I want us to be together like they are. Because beyond the kink, beyond the sex and the bedroom door, there is their connection, there is the way they communicate so fully and honestly with each other. Because, it seems to me, they are happy.

And isn’t happiness the meaning of life?

– Anabelle

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Words escape me, Anabelle. Thank you beyond my means to do so for sharing this with me as well as the Peekers™.

– Scot

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A Peek Back 9-1

You guys amaze me.

In the span of a week not only did the blog crush the previous single day views record but also, with month’s end, saw the one for views in a month toasted by 40%. And it’s very likely that by sundown Sunday (great, now I’m writing folk rock) the views in a single week benchmark will fall as well.

At some point this upcoming week we’ll surpass 30,000 views. It wasn’t even last month that 20,000 was crossed.

You’ll have to forgive me for all of this, but it really does make me feel very humble.

It’s cool to see that people are getting it (stop giggling). And by that I mean our purpose – to demystify the stereotypical D/s and BDSM persona and help people embrace their inner Dominant and/or submissive. With coffee.

We truly appreciate all the love, energy, honesty and general pervertedness you share with us. Things we have shared have directly impacted the lives of others for the better. Perverts, er, people we only know via bits and bytes (probably some nibbles on their end but I digress). That makes all the time, effort and coffee poured into the stories, musings, etc. worth it. To know that, out there in the dark, a couple whose sexually embers had grown dim and cold are now inferno hot. Or that someone who took a chance and listened to that voice whispering inside them. You know, the one that drives you crazy with thoughts of BDSM and D/s? Now they are the ones writing tales that inspire others.

Or questions asked either in simple curiosity or outright concern, the answers providing some assistance in their decisions. All of which, to a T (or should that be a D/s?) impacts every other aspect of their lives and for the better.

So thank you. Seriously. A 21 cake salute will be consumed in your honor. Well, not really, but any excuse for cake is a good one.

If you’re a first time Peeker™, welcome!  You are invited to peek through the keyhole. We strongly encourage you to view all of the established Pages, which can be viewed by selecting any of the tabs at the top of this page.

The Archives are an inclusive, running version of every post of note on this blog. If you have not read any or all of the stories, random musings, poetry, etc linked from The Archives by all means please grab a seat, perhaps a drink (we’re big on coffee as you will find out) sit back and enjoy.

Before I get all teary eyed and want a group hug while singing Cumbaya, its time to Peek Back:

Interview With A Submission Vampire Vol.1 No.14 – In which I answer an extremely personal question that gets asked. A lot.

A New Monday, Same Ol’ Java – Sometimes I amaze myself how cognizant I can be so early on a Monday while mainlining dark roast.

Seek And Go Hyde Act V – Things get very intense and sadistic. This Act really pushed some Peekers™ comfort level. Read at your discretion.

The Words Of Power – A BDSM musing inspired by the reaction to the above.

Soundtrack To The Looking Glass – The beautiful, ironically titled song that accompanied the magic of the moment in time that became The Looking Glass.

The Looking Glass – Possibly the most personal scene Leigh and I have shared. Not what most think of as such. You’ll see.

Our Secret – My poetic response to that which was The Looking Glass. Figured out yet that this was something special?

Chain Of Rules Act VI – Leigh’s helpless nipples continue to be a source of pleasure. And pain. Lots.

Someone Shared Our Secret – When a professional Domme/Switch thinks your erotic poem is good enough to republish, that is a compliment.

The Dom Next Door Unchained – Gina West – Peeker™ & erotic author Regina West shares what she and her husband shared as a result of reading TDND™. See? You too can play along at home!

Once again, a sincere thank you to all.

– Scot

The Dom Next Door Unchained – Gina West

Welcome to the second installment of what I hope will become a more regular feature on TDND™ –Unchained.

Unchained (not literally…geeze) is what others refer to as guest blogging, but with a twist. Rather than a blogging peer being invited to write something on or about a particular subject, Unchained has a theme:

Discourses, thoughts and reactions on any of the various offerings found on The Dom Next Door™ and how they were affected by them.

In other words, an outlet for the voice of Peeker™ Nation. Could be in regards to a story, random BDSM musing, poetry or the blog in general.

Eventually it is my hope that the entirety of all the Unchained submissions (heh) will weave a lovely quilt, each square or patch as unique and beautiful as it’s stitcher. When they are combined into a rich tapestry of experiences, thoughts and opinions, they metamorphosize into something greater than the sum of its naughty parts, their main delineator of TDND™ being the thread that makes them one common voice.

Yours.

So link by link, we are forging a chain of such tales. Stories that are at the core of what this blog is really about. No, not coffee. But rather the demystification of the stereotypical D/s persona and dynamic, as well as helping Peekers™ find their inner Dom or sub.

This Unchained link started with a simple, innocent  (stop smirking Gina) Twitter message regarding the BDSM On A Budget series. When a Peeker™ says  “About The Chains™? Um, thanks. Yeah…” it sure sounded as if someone had a positively naughty experience as a result of the blog. Which is everything Leigh and I stand (kneel? lie down? arch?) for. And it also screamed (seriously, just….stop it) potential for a perfect Unchained post.

I was right. Holy shit was I right. You’ll see.

So without further adieu The Dom Next Door™ Unchains the aspiring romance/erotica novelist, mom, wife, avid reader, student of classical guitar, seeker of knowledge and wisdom and introvert (Ha!) Regina West:

My husband and I read and discuss nearly every TDND™ post. Like Scot and Leigh, we have been married for many years and have embarked on a similar sexual journey. I won’t say what drove us to explore BDSM because it’s almost cliché at this point, but I will say that we are definitely exploring and that we are brand spanking (pun intended) new at this. So far, we’ve found ourselves adopting more of the BD aspect than the SM. Some might consider that plain old vanilla, maybe French vanilla, and that’s fine. I refuse to participate in a pissing contest about it. We like what we like.

Which leads me to the latest TDND™ post that kindled a fire in our household.

After reading Chain Of Rules Act II, I admit I was having visions of cuffs and eye bolts and chains (oh my). I found myself dreamily staring at doorways, wondering if anyone would notice if we put eye bolts at the four corners. The wooden rafters in our basement suddenly seemed like the perfect place for an entire bondage set-up leaving plenty of room for a Dom to circle his prey . . . um, I mean sub.

Then when Scot posted BDSM on a Budget – The Chains™, he mixed the two best words in the English language – chains and budget – and that was our cue. The next day, my husband went to Lowes and came back with a variety of chain lengths and a pack of snap hooks, all for around $30.

Unfortunately, we couldn’t launch into kinky home remodeling right away, nor could we use our BDSM-unfriendly bed. Years ago when we bought it for its minimalist look, we weren’t considering its bondage possibilities. The headboard is one huge slab of wood with no legs around which one might wrap a chain, and even the mattress, a Tempur-Pedic which is fantabulous for sleeping, doesn’t have handles on the sides. What’s a horny married couple to do? Improvise, that’s what.

By the time we could ditch the kids and have some alone time, I’d already been thinking about those damn chains for hours. Then my sadistic husband decided he needed a shower. More waiting, and worse, he ordered me to touch myself until he was done. Thank God he takes quick showers. Once he joined me, it only took maybe four nasty twists on my nipples to send me skyrocketing.

But I’d made a mistake. I hadn’t asked if I could orgasm (another thing we learned from TDND™). I swear I meant to ask, but I’d teased myself into a frenzy and then he did all the right things to my body and . . . well, you try stopping a speeding train!

After that, he ordered me to stand up, spun me to face away from him, and pushed me down onto the bed on my stomach. With my wrist and ankle cuffs already in place, it only took a moment for him to bind my hands and feet behind my back with the one-foot chain. Hog tied, boys and girls. That’s right. If you’ve never tried it, you are seriously missing out.

Flat on my stomach, arms and legs bent behind me, completely immobile.

He positioned himself between my legs and slid into me, reminding me once again that I had come without his permission. He then grabbed the flogger, and I paid for that error with several lashes. When he decided I’d had enough of that, he took hold of the chain, the handle he would use to manipulate my helpless form, and yanked. My back arched, my arms pulled up behind me. His fist wound through my hair and tugged my head back, and he pounded into me with enough force to bruise my hips.

Heaven help me, it was glorious!

I was completely at his mercy, the chain his leverage. He muttered filthy things while he doled out this most pleasurable punishment for my disobedience.

The pounding reached its peak, and we were both moaning when he gave the final push. You know the one – when he buries himself so deep in you, you wonder if you’ve become one being. With a final roar, he held himself in that place for a long moment before he collapsed over my back and pressed his cheek between my shoulder blades. Gasping for air, the chain still twisted in his fist, my husband said the first words that came to mind. “Holy shit!”

My sentiments exactly.

This is generally how it happens in our house. We read something on TDND™ and let it percolate in our minds until we have no choice but to try it. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t. But it’s been a blessing to have as a guide the blog of two regular married folks who approach this with caution and knowledge but without brutality. I look forward to many, many new adventures.

– Gina West

Anyone else need some fresh air or a cooling shower? Damn! And to think the blog played a role in this? (does that make this role play?) Humbling.

Thank you Gina for sharing that very personal and extremely erotic moment, one I hope is just the first of many more for you and your Sir.

– Scot

A New Monday, Same Ol’ Java

It’s fan quiet here.

Leigh and I awake early. Not by choice but still we are up with the sun. And before you all smirk yes, very often that means three of us if you count a certain appendage of mine.

It’s a chance to groan, stretch, snap and crack, snuggle, doze, grope, mumble, giggle, sometimes fuck, occasionally be manually or orally uncramped. Very often a hour passes as we delay the inevitable reality of the day.

But, either post snuggle or after cleaning up the mess with hand towels, the sound of coffee beans being ground, egg shells cracking, butter sizzling and smart ass commentary being made fills the house. JD will stagger in from the couch (not too spoiled) looking as if he could use a cup of java himself. Scones (the cat) has already been in the bed with us and now wants breakfast as well.

Cabinet doors squeak, voices strain as sttttrreeettcchhhhh the day’s first stumbled steps occur, lunches made, plans for dinner discussed, random topics bantered about.

Often I will sing. Badly. Off key. Flatter than last week’s root beer. And with a zeal that makes Leigh wince yet smile, all the while thinking to herself “WHY did I choose this one? WHY???”

In other words, the same morning that I will bet happens in countless millions of households every Monday. When the coffee and its life-giving fix of caffeine become demigods worthy of sacrifices. Or at least that’s what I say to Leigh. “But the coffee gods would be pleased if we fucked!” I mean, what self-respecting religion doesn’t require the giving of something precious as an appeasement to its deities?

After that some alone time. And it’s so quiet right now. As I said, “fan quiet.”

Enjoying a second cup of religion in the calm of The Pingback Chair™ located in our sunroom. A reading nook now offers it safe harbor. Tucked away in the corner of the room, a wall mounted light directly over my shoulder to read by, a nearby antique plant stand serving as the altar for the magic elixir we both worship, or in the evenings a stem or pint of liquid I like. The only sounds discernible are the grasshoppers singing to the new day as the heat rises with the whirl of the blades of a ceiling fan on percussion. It may be like this for hours.

When we first moved here the silence was so deafening at night I couldn’t sleep from the tympani of my own eardrums pounding along with my heart. But now I adore the silence, a rare treat in today’s world. And its even better with coffee.

And with it some musings:

– The growth (stop it) of the blog continues to amaze me. August has seen us crack 10,000+ page views in a single month for the first time. I believe it took us May, June & part of July to reach our first 10,000 views. Now we have received that many in three weeks. I cannot even begin to thank you all for the love, support, comments and overall debauched pervertedness you bring.

– Along those lines I also cannot express how much we both appreciated the reactions and comments to the latest Interview. To be honest I fully expected the potential for backlash as well as people choosing to no longer peek through the keyhole, which would be fine in that’s their right and own choice. Your positive and even heart-warming comments (especially you Mrs. Soft Bottom) made what could have been an awkward exchange a pleasant one. Again we thank you for understanding and respecting our choice.

– Leigh bought me a copy of Screw The Roses Give Me The Thorns as a gift. From just flipping through its pages I can assure you all that it will be a gift that keeps on giving. And taking. And flogging.

– Is anyone else been enjoying the height of summer’s harvest at their local farmer’s market as well?

– If you have access to locally grown produce and still buy your vegetables and fruit at some Super Duper Mart…bad Peeker™! Bad!

– I Unfollowed a number of Twitter accounts this past week. If you are one of them it’s because having three Tweets in a month isn’t  going to make the cut, nor is constantly shilling, RTing or posting quotes not yours. And don’t get me started on people who lives exist to collect Followers.

– This week my second attempt at erotic fiction will begin. I’m going to submit (no, not like that) to Avon for their New Year’s Eve anthology. The storyline is set, characters are talking to me (this is why you writers are all batty, huh?) and even doing some research (not what you think). Leigh likes the storyline a lot, and thinks it may not be able to to be told in novella (<20K words) length. We’ll see.

– Leigh has undertaken a unique challenge from me. She is just over halfway through it and if the first four evenings were any indication it will be make for great reading. So much so that…

– …Leigh & I shared magic a few nights ago. Almost beyond description for me. I was honored to be a part of it. So you will be reading the first Act of The Looking Glass this week, as well as additional acts for Chain Of Rules, Seek And Go Hyde and The Butterfly Chains. We received more blogging awards so, yes, more Scot Trivia. I should be finished rereading The New Topping Book and have a review, Leigh will get a poem, the flogger should make an appearance, probably a random kinky musing and, last but certainly not least, a new Unchained is in the works for the end of the week.

And the sounds I mentioned earlier? The only ones I heard while writing this, aside from the emptying of my coffee mug. So cue the sounds of footsteps on hardwood to remedy that.

– Scot

A Peek Back 7-21

Good morning all.

To say this was quite the week at TDND™ would be a gross understatement. Not only did we see daily page views skyrocket (as of yesterday a new weekly views record had been established! And with two more days to go in the week!) but so many other milestones as well:

  • Twitter Followers are now over 200
  • We broke right through 10,000 views since the blog’s inception
  • Peeker™ Nation soared past 300 and is well on its way to 400
  • We set a new daily record for Likes
  • We received our 1000th Comment
  • We were nominated for a major kinky blogging award!
  • Someone new will be Unchained in the near future

You may notice I often mention being humbled in my replies here and on Twitter.

I mean it. Seriously.

Thank you all for embracing Leigh and I, our adventures along the way on our journey together, and by so spreading (bad Dom joke) the word about us. We really, truly appreciate our perverted minions.

I’d be remiss in not mentioning how special last night was online. The activities that followed behind a closed bedroom door were equally as special (A certain someone came out of Hyding). But the reaction, quality, quantity, eloquence, passion and sheer volume of comments on Can Submission Be Dominated was nothing short of amazing. I still have Comments to be queued and replied to! Sadly my real life today precludes the likelihood of my doing so this morning. I will get to all of them. So on with show.

For you new perverts, every Saturday AM I share A Peek Back. This feature of TDND™ allows long time Followers as well as you first time Peekers™ to quickly review what has transpired over the past seven days.

If you are a neophyte Peeker™ I strongly encourage you to view all of the established Pages, which can be viewed by selecting any of the tabs at the top of this page.

The Archives are an inclusive, running version of every post of note on this blog. If you have not read any or all of the stories, random musings, poetry, etc linked from The Archives by all means please grab a seat, perhaps some coffee, sit back and enjoy.

Is that enough foreplay? No? I respect that. Here is this week’s Peek Back: (note: links to the referenced posts are in the click throughs)

Hyde Gets Picked Up – My erotic poem about/for/with Hyde is featured in an ePaper. (link to the poem in the click through)

2012 Bondage Awards Nominee! – TDND™ as Best Bondage Blog? Stunned…

Interview With A Submission Vampire Vol.1 No.8 – Everything you always wanted to know about nipple rings

Leigh On Spanking – My lovely better half makes a rare blog post by answering the spanking meme. I even learned a few things!

The Monday Morning After With Coffee – Java musings with a barely awake Dominant. It often gets funky.

Breaking Leigh Act VII – Leigh is down to her silky white panties.

Chain Of Rules – The newest story on the blog. Cuffs, collars and chains…oh my!

Scot The BILF…What? – Without question the most unique award we have received. Features five suggestions from me.

Chain Chain Chain Of Rules Measures Up – Our newest story get a feature mention in a bondage ePaper!

Breaking Leigh Act VIII – A whole post on the delight of removing The Panties™ from Leigh’s very sore ass

What Topspace Looks Like (A Love Letter To Leigh) – An actual love email from myself to Leigh.

Chain Of Rules Act II – Meet The Chains™.

Can Submission Be Dominated? – My musings on a touchy subject. Still stunned at how well this was received and the beauty of all the Comments.

Again, thank you all.

– Scot

A Peek Back 7-14

How much do I love you Peekers™? I am not sleep posting like I did last week’s A Peek Back. The coffee is hot, Leigh is hotter running around in a skimpy negligee (my hands are stealing all kinds of curve hugging touches) and I’m up (heh).

Oh, and happy Bastille Day to our French Peekers™! A French Peeker. That sound like a sex toy, doesn’t it? It’s like a French Tickler but exclusively for nipple use.

It’s been quite the week at TDND™. Not just once but twice you naughty perverts set an all-time single day views record! I like it when things come in multiples (heh again, told ya the coffee has hot). And I am confidant that by the end of the day Sunday this past week will have been the highest viewed one as well. We’re almost there as I type this, sip coffee and grope Leigh (multi-Domming I am). Plus add in all the new Peekers™ (almost 300 total in under three months) and…

…I use the word humbled a lot when replying to all of you. I mean it. Leigh and I thank you very much from the bottom of our coffee mugs. Hopefully the magnitude of that comparison is appreciated.

For you new perverts, every Saturday AM I give you all A Peek Back. This feature of TDND™ allows long time Followers as well as you first time Peekers™ to quickly review what has transpired over the past seven days.

If you are a neophyte Peeker™ I strongly encourage you to view all of the established Pages, which can be viewed by selecting any of the tabs at the top of this page.

The Archives are an inclusive, running version of every post of note on this blog. If you have not read any or all of the stories, random musings, poetry, etc linked from The Archives by all means please grab a seat, perhaps something to drink, sit back and enjoy.

Teased you enough? What, no? I respect that (heh). Here is this week’s Peek Back:

Breaking Leigh Act VI –  The Act that Leigh interrupted. No worry, I got even via actually starting to spank her in this Act.

Interview With A Submission Vampire Vol.1 No.7 – Kristi wanted to know what was the first scene Leigh and I did that still make my eyes roll. (Note – we are still looking for a question for tomorrow)

Monday Jiving With Java – Coffee with a barely awake Scot. I ramble about a lot of…stuff. Yeah.

Of Raspberries And Nipples – Everything I know about how to pick raspberries I learned at 2nd base with Leigh.

Love Via Surrender – More award love. More Scot Trivia. More, more, more.

SDS Act II – The finale to this story that spawned multiple cases of “nipple envy” in the Comments.

On Candlelit Memories Dreams Are Made  – A musing while I was in a very good mood and why. This touched a number of Peekers™ (heh).

The Dom Next Door Unchained – Jodie Griffin – A new feature of TDND™. I Unchain erotica author Jodie Griffin to guest blog her thoughts about what she read in The Archives. One of the most viewed single day posts in the blog’s brief history.

That Which Lives Inside Me – An erotic poem from two vantages by two of “us” – myself and That Which Lives Inside Me.

Hyde – That Which Lives Inside Me is no longer nameless.

Time for more coffee.

– Scot

The Dom Next Door Unchained – Jodie Griffin

I was sorely tempted to use Unplugged, but when you author a D/s BDSM erotica blog that phrase takes on all sorts of new connotations.

Welcome to the first installment in what I hope will become a regular feature on TDND™ – Unchained. Basically this will be what others refer to as guest blogging, but with a slight twist (of course.) Rather than just invite a blogging peer to write something on or about a particular subject, Unchained will have a theme:

(I’m extremely tempted to write something outlandishly naughty and perverse here, but I won’t)

Discourses, thoughts and reactions on any of the various offerings found on The Dom Next Door™ and how they were affected by them.

In short, their musings on and about my musings.

This is not the equivalent of the opposition party’s rebuttals. I’m not just going to hand the keys to the keyhole to someone to sound off. If you have issue with anything I say, that is what the Comments are for. And it’s most definitely not just a vehicle for shameless self-promotion. I am not opposed to helping others who were genuinely impacted by my musings and stories, but that’s not the point of Unchained.

Unchained features will tell a story about a story. And, link by link, they will build a chain of such tales. Stories that are at the core of what Leigh and I are all about (NO, not just spanking, forced orgasms and coffee, oh my!) – the demystification of the D/s stereotype and helping Peekers™ find their inner Dom or sub.

Got it? Good. So pay attention to what these Unchained authors have to say. They’re you, the Peeker™. Plus there will be a test later this week. Cake and (duh) coffee will be served afterward.

With that said, it is my humble honor to lose my hosted guest blogging cherry to one of my most active and witty Twitter Followers, which is how the idea for this all manifested. (I told you there were advantages to Following me on Twitter!). So, to forge the first link in the Unchained, um, chain, The Dom Next Door™ Unchains naughty romance author Jodie Griffin.

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Sometime last week, I followed a link from a retweet on Twitter and found Scot and Leigh and The Dom Next Door.  I peeked around a bit, and was intrigued by what I read.

I write erotic romance with BDSM elements, and when I wound my way through TDND, I found a lot of similarities to what I try to get across in my stories.  Safe words are essential, the sub has the true power, and you don’t have to be a dick to be a good Dom. But even more than that, in the archives, I found the reason I write romances with a happily-ever-after.

I found love.

It’s eminently obvious that Scot loves Leigh and Leigh loves Scot, and that makes TDND about so much more than sex and BDSM. This blog is a love story.

The other night, I had to be up and online for a project for work, with a lot of spare time in-between what I needed to do.  I had to stay up from 11pm to 4:30am, and I needed something interesting to keep me awake – and also alert to what was happening on my call.

Aha! More TDND Archives. Perfect.

These thoughts on what I read are my opinions only, worth what you paid for them. And don’t forget, I’m a writer not a relationship therapist or an expert on the psychological aspects of BDSM.  Your opinions may differ greatly.  Here we go:

  • You don’t have to be in a particular job or income bracket to be into kink. The name of this blog says it outright. The Dom Next Door. I also write about everyday average people…cops, librarians, paramedics. Essentially, the People Next Door.  Normal people like kinky sex, and that’s okay.
  • You don’t always know what you want when you first get together.  In IWASV #4, Scot talked about how initially, he submitted to Leigh.  I was surprised by that, but I don’t know why. Relationships evolve, and roles can change.  That’s okay too, and really, that’s life.
  • It can be the person you’re with who makes you want what you want.   In IWASV #6, Leigh said that submitting to Scot is all about how she feels about him and just him, and if they weren’t together, she wouldn’t seek it out.  In my mind, this is important.  The story I’m currently working on has a similar thread to this. The hero has never felt these dominant desires before, but now that he knows what his girlfriend wants, he’s all about being the man she needs.  Their relationship isn’t just about sex, it’s about the bond between them that makes it all possible.  And that’s okay.
  • The sub has the real power in the dynamic, safe-words are vital, and trust is of the utmost importance. I put these all together because in my mind, they go hand in hand (in hand). The Dom may wield the whip, but the sub has the ultimate form of control – the ability, with a single word, to stop everything.  Scot talked about the importance of safe words and (or hand signals if gagged) in Safety Dance. I agree with him 100%.   If you don’t think your Dom will stop with a safe word, can you really trust that they have your best interests at heart?  One of my favorite posts on the site is SDS, or Same Damn Spot. I think I fell a little bit in love with him (okay, not really – I have my own guy!) when he said “Well fuck you.” Read the post. If you’re a woman, you’ll laugh about the whole that time of the month thing, if nothing else. But read between the lines. Scot is right. It would’ve been within his role as her Dom to do as he pleased, but Scot LOVES Leigh.  If he’d gone ahead and ignored what he could see and knew to be true, where’s the trust?  Why set up a situation where she’s going to use her safe word, anyway?  That’s a mind-fuck, and not a good one.  Earlier, I said “you don’t have to be a dick to be a Dom.”  Need proof? Right there, in those three words: “Well fuck you.”
  • What’s edge play for you may be nothing for someone else.  My stories have, so far, been tame in terms of edges, because I’m writing about people who are just now exploring their kinky desires. Everyone has their own level of kink and their own limits. But even if they never get to wax play or caning, does that make their relationship any less of a D/s one? In my opinion, no. If you make the decision to give your partner complete control, then you’re having a D/s relationship. And if you choose to keep it in the bedroom – or front yard 😉 … then that’s okay too. My book Forbidden Fantasies is about a woman who wants more from her sexual relationship with her husband, but doesn’t know how to ask, even after fifteen years together. Is that unusual? I don’t think so. In fact, I think it’s really common, and that’s the biggest response I’ve gotten from people who’ve read it.  What impresses me about Scot and Leigh (what we see online, anyway, since I don’t know them personally!) is that they both seem to talk a lot about WIITTD –  sanity checks, if you will. And they’re willing to explore their limits, together.

You’ll notice I didn’t focus on the specifics of how Scot and Leigh play. Honestly, there are a few things on TDND that make me wince, but that’s my own personal preferences talking. Do I see from his posts that Scot worries he’s over the line sometimes? Yep. Do I see Leigh berating him for pushing her limits or for treating her like she’s nothing? Nope, just the opposite.  The thing is, what they do works for them, they’re adults, and it’s all consensual.  Like I said earlier, it’s not hard to see that Scot loves Leigh and Leigh loves Scot and they both love the way their relationship has grown and changed over the years.  And that’s what makes this site such fun to visit.

– Jodie Griffin

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Thank you so much Jodie for sharing these early AM thoughts with all of the Peekers™!

– Scot

To purchase Forbidden FantasiesAmazon   Barnes&Noble   CarinaPress   Audible
Forbidden Desires coming November 19, 2012 from Carina Press