Welcome to the third installment of what is hopefully now on its way to becoming a more regular feature of TDND™ – Unchained. Not more than a week or so removed from just the second, I get to introduce the third. And what a story it is.
Unchained is what many refer to as guest blogging, but with a twist. Rather than inviting a blogging peer to write something on or about a particular subject, Unchained has a theme:
Discourses, thoughts and reactions on any of the various offerings found on The Dom Next Door™ and how they were affected by them.
It might be in regards to a story, or perhaps a random BDSM musing. Maybe some poetry struck a chord. Or simply the blog in general.
So link by link, the Peekers™ forge their chain of tales. Stories that are at the core of what this blog is really about – the demystification of the stereotypical D/s persona and dynamic, as well as helping Peekers™ find their inner Dom or sub.
This one started with a simple, polite message thanking me for saving something. I don’t want to get ahead of myself and spoil her story so I’ll stop at that. It is a tale months in the making, both literally and figuratively. But, as you will read, it was well worth the wait, effort and strength it took to write.
Not ashamed to say my eyes moistened the first time I read it. Humbled is a word I use frequently. Many comments and reactions make me feel that way. But this was different. As in swallowing (stop it…perverts) hard as I read it. Whatever the next level of being humbled is, this did it.
It is my humbled (see?) honor to Unchain Anabelle:
You have no idea how many times I’ve tried to write this thing. I promised it to Scot months ago, and yet I couldn’t really get to it until now. I suppose that admitting my inability to express how I feel about this topic may mean that it’s bigger than words, but still deserves to be explored.
But let’s start from the beginning: there was a boy and a girl, and they’ve been together now for almost 6 years. There was a decision, 2 years ago, and the girl left the boy behind, without breaking up, thinking that they were strong enough, that they could deal with the distance, that they would be okay living in different provinces.
But then, after 6 months, they realized they weren’t okay.
So the girl makes another decision, decides that she should come back, because her relationship is more important than a degree. She spent some time in the dog house, in another city still, but closer. So finally, after a year and a half of separation, she comes back to him, hopefully to start a good life together, to start over, but for real this time. No more leaving.
But then, even after she’s come back, something seems to be missing. The spark in bed is not always there. The sex is infrequent, good but not often enough. There’s a part of her, the kinky part that she’s known about since she was 14, that isn’t fulfilled.
And then, one day, she finds The Dom Next Door. It was on Twitter, through some other writers she follows. And then she starts reading. She reads it at work, spends most of the day reading and not working. And the next day, she is still reading and not working. She knows this is what she wants, this is what she needs. Not Scot and Leigh’s relationship, exactly, but a kinky relationship of her own. Committed, real, meaningful. And she wants it with him, of course, because he is the love of her life and she could not imagine herself without him, ever.
I’m not sure I’m getting my thoughts through here. What I mean to say is: TDND saved my sex life.
After two weeks of reading, lurking and thinking, I wrote my love a long email telling him how I felt. I told him how much this meant to me, how much I needed to share this with him. I told him that it’s how I connect to him, that it’s how I express my love, that it’s how I want to live my sexuality with him.
Scot always emphasizes the importance of communication. Without this email, I would have remained frustrated and unsatisfied. And without TDND, I wouldn’t have realized that I needed to tell him, so very, very badly.
My honesty opened up our relationship. We purchased a dining table so we could talk. Have you ever lived with your significant other without a dining table? There’s nowhere to sit down and talk, face to face. What did we do? Couch, TV. Yeah, not much conversation there, I know. We are closer, not only sexually, but emotionally as well. I am hopeful for our future together, and I am enjoying the present deeper than I ever have before.
So no, there’s no kinky story here, no opening the door to my bedroom. Our kinks are our own, and I want to keep it that way. I admire Scot and Leigh’s courage to share this with us; I’m sure it has helped countless people, not just me. But I did want to share how their story changed mine. Thanks to them, I have a model to look up to, a couple to emulate. We are not the same people, of course, but I want us to be together like they are. Because beyond the kink, beyond the sex and the bedroom door, there is their connection, there is the way they communicate so fully and honestly with each other. Because, it seems to me, they are happy.
And isn’t happiness the meaning of life?
Words escape me, Anabelle. Thank you beyond my means to do so for sharing this with me as well as the Peekers™.