Today was a much, much better Sunday for me emotional than last Sunday, as you all may remember via the saga that was Torn. Leigh and I had the perfect mix of getting shit done (cleaned out a crawl space closet and other chores) and selfish time with some take-out consumed picnic style near the water. It did us both some good to get some fresh air, our feet wet, our faces wind burnt and our cares discarded.
I needed this badly. I’m still, in my heart, trying to balance the scale from last week. So Leigh has been doted on quite nicely. Massages, quality time, etc. Please remember that, outside of the bedroom, we are equal partners. It’s when that door closes that I become Sir and she my doll.
But it wasn’t always like that.
Which segues into this week’s IWASV question. Again I must apologize for the tardiness of this reply. We went weeks without any questions, then were saturated with a plethora of them in a very short timeframe. We are just about caught up.
This week’s question is a two-part question from Mandy who wanted to know:
“I find that I’m extremely interested in, to be honest, at least the idea of being submissive. I suppose my question, or more accurately questions, is on the how. How do you discover if this is actually something that is more than just interesting and arousing, but something you want to do on the regular?
I think that the interesting and arousing leads you to the regular part if it’s something that you like and want more of. You find a way to make it happen more often, which in our case was easy because we had each other already. All this all transpired years into our relationship, it was something we had talked about and played around with over the years, but never committed to making it a part of our marriage. Honestly, it was Scot who suggested that he would like to take control of the things that went on in the bedroom. In the playing we had done previously, I knew that I liked it, and the idea of not having to be the one in charge.
It was sort of the next step for us, but I can tell you with 100% honesty that if we were not in a relationship, I would not seek this out for myself. Submitting to Scot in the bedroom is all about how I feel about Him and just Him. It’s because of Him that I choose to do this, so I’m not really qualified to answer outside our dynamic.
And the second part of Mandy’s question:
“How do you find a dom (or sub)? I suppose it’s the technical side of it that I have questions on, the matter of how to go about finding a dom.”
In today’s digital age its a lot easier to find like-minded individuals who are not already a part of your life. And I am assuming that you are interested in finding someone to explore this aspect of your personality as opposed to looking for a potential mate who also can satisfy this curiosity.
Simply Googling “BDSM community” can yield a multitude of potential web sites that are specifically for this. Or “BDSM (where you live).” There may be a BDSM community near you and you could attend a “munch” (an informal get together of like-minded BDSM practicing people in a very public setting to promote ease of communication).
In that I do not use any of the community based sites I do not feel comfortable promoting them or provide a grocery list to shop from….sorry. As I have stated before, experience does not always equate to knowledge.
There are thousands of web sites set up by either individuals, groups, couples, even businesses that could provide tons of information as to the scene where you live.
Of course, with the advent of technology, you could explore virtual BDSM and D/s. Just remember that anything over the Internet is not 100% private and extremely easy to record, capture, etc. Tread very cautiously if you proceed in this direction and do NOT share any personal information that could get you in trouble….or worse.
In short, I would be very surprised if you could not find either web sites to create an account or of local organizations to assist in your quest, either from the privacy and anonymity of your couch or as public as you want to be. Just use caution and common sense when searching.
I hope this helped.