This week’s IWASV Q&A is long overdue, as in we are in answering it. The Q comes to us courtesy of our good friend Gillian Colbert at Black Door Press. Gillian was one of the very first Followers we had, and Leigh and I are big fans (I’m bigger…heh) of her blog. She touches on a variety of topics in an articulate, yet approachable manner that often is marinated with humor. Check her & The Black Door Press out.
She emailed us the following:
“I’d like to know about the “aha” moment for you both when you realized you were kinky or at the very least not vanilla.”
Leigh: Well, I was being blindfolded way back when in high school with my then boyfriend, but I never really considered it kinky. I didn’t start out with any preconceived notions about what sex was and wasn’t and I was and still am pretty open-minded, so it was always, “Hey, let’s try this!” and me saying, “Sure okay!”
With Scot, it was the same way. Last week I answered a similar question, and I said that it was mostly me tying him up and using a belt on him the first few years. I think that one night, he was behind me doggie-style and smacked my ass and we both went WHOA, Hello! So we started playing around with him taking the Dominant role, and found that it was 1000% better.
There was no aha moment for me. It’s a part of my personality that’s always been there and I never really considered it to be different or kinky or non-vanilla or vanilla. Sexually, it’s just who I am. Which leads to another interesting point as well. Our definition of vanilla has definitely changed over the years. Contortions and blindfolds and mouth covering is pretty vanilla for us, and the kinky aspect has moved into cuffs and floggers and nipple clamps and restraint, which may end up in turn becoming vanilla if we move on to something more extreme.
And honestly, I’m not even sure I am kinky. Who’s to say really, because who defines what is kinky and what is vanilla after all? 🙂
Scot: Is there any question, after reading the pearls that just fell from my doll’s mouth, why I adore her? Sigh….
Like a lot of kinksters, my first forays into what most people call kinky was with blindfolds and simple restraints. A big step in self-admission was ordering the ubiquitous pre-tied, pink nylon rope sets from Adam & Eve catalogs. I know, I know, hopefully you all don’t think less of me or have your cursors hovering over the “Unfollow” tab at that sad admission. I was young, stupid, horny and all I knew is that I liked to be tied up, even with cheap Japanese rope in feminine hues.
I’m not a small guy. I’ve had a partner confess that part of the excitement was sleeping with someone who (her words, not mine) “could snap my neck like dry spaghetti.” So of course I found it arousing to be placed in a position of vulnerability, helplessness. In hindsight (heh) it’s likely made me a much better Sir to Leigh in that I KNOW what its like. I know the need of release, the rush of adrenaline, dopamine and endorphins, the strain against binds, the uncertainty of what may or may not happen.
And I use it against Leigh all the fucking time.
I concur with Leigh. What is kinky to us is ho-hum to many. What is de facto bed play for us borders on taboo for the rest. But where is that divider? Is there one? I know its adjustable. Ours has shifted a lot farther to the left than it was just a month ago. And as my doll alluded to, who knows where it will be by Christmas? A year from now?
I can say I have had a lot of “Oh yeah” moments, but as far as “Aha!” it would have to be the first time I not just confessed to Leigh my desire to explore a spanking relationship but that first time we really tried our hand at it. Actually it was my hand but I digress…
Its taken me half a minute from that last sentence to type this as I floated off, fingers over MacBook, recalling that beautiful evening when she floated away on the sting on my palm on her snowy white cheeks. I admit I was mortified beyond words the following morning at the welts that covered her backside.
I’ve gotten over that. Moved the divider, if you will. More like we have. Who knows what kinks, if such a thing exist, lie ahead?
All of you will, that’s who.