The Dom Next Door Unchained – Jodie Griffin

I was sorely tempted to use Unplugged, but when you author a D/s BDSM erotica blog that phrase takes on all sorts of new connotations.

Welcome to the first installment in what I hope will become a regular feature on TDND™ – Unchained. Basically this will be what others refer to as guest blogging, but with a slight twist (of course.) Rather than just invite a blogging peer to write something on or about a particular subject, Unchained will have a theme:

(I’m extremely tempted to write something outlandishly naughty and perverse here, but I won’t)

Discourses, thoughts and reactions on any of the various offerings found on The Dom Next Door™ and how they were affected by them.

In short, their musings on and about my musings.

This is not the equivalent of the opposition party’s rebuttals. I’m not just going to hand the keys to the keyhole to someone to sound off. If you have issue with anything I say, that is what the Comments are for. And it’s most definitely not just a vehicle for shameless self-promotion. I am not opposed to helping others who were genuinely impacted by my musings and stories, but that’s not the point of Unchained.

Unchained features will tell a story about a story. And, link by link, they will build a chain of such tales. Stories that are at the core of what Leigh and I are all about (NO, not just spanking, forced orgasms and coffee, oh my!) – the demystification of the D/s stereotype and helping Peekers™ find their inner Dom or sub.

Got it? Good. So pay attention to what these Unchained authors have to say. They’re you, the Peeker™. Plus there will be a test later this week. Cake and (duh) coffee will be served afterward.

With that said, it is my humble honor to lose my hosted guest blogging cherry to one of my most active and witty Twitter Followers, which is how the idea for this all manifested. (I told you there were advantages to Following me on Twitter!). So, to forge the first link in the Unchained, um, chain, The Dom Next Door™ Unchains naughty romance author Jodie Griffin.

Sometime last week, I followed a link from a retweet on Twitter and found Scot and Leigh and The Dom Next Door.  I peeked around a bit, and was intrigued by what I read.

I write erotic romance with BDSM elements, and when I wound my way through TDND, I found a lot of similarities to what I try to get across in my stories.  Safe words are essential, the sub has the true power, and you don’t have to be a dick to be a good Dom. But even more than that, in the archives, I found the reason I write romances with a happily-ever-after.

I found love.

It’s eminently obvious that Scot loves Leigh and Leigh loves Scot, and that makes TDND about so much more than sex and BDSM. This blog is a love story.

The other night, I had to be up and online for a project for work, with a lot of spare time in-between what I needed to do.  I had to stay up from 11pm to 4:30am, and I needed something interesting to keep me awake – and also alert to what was happening on my call.

Aha! More TDND Archives. Perfect.

These thoughts on what I read are my opinions only, worth what you paid for them. And don’t forget, I’m a writer not a relationship therapist or an expert on the psychological aspects of BDSM.  Your opinions may differ greatly.  Here we go:

• You don’t have to be in a particular job or income bracket to be into kink. The name of this blog says it outright. The Dom Next Door. I also write about everyday average people…cops, librarians, paramedics. Essentially, the People Next Door.  Normal people like kinky sex, and that’s okay.
• You don’t always know what you want when you first get together.  In IWASV #4, Scot talked about how initially, he submitted to Leigh.  I was surprised by that, but I don’t know why. Relationships evolve, and roles can change.  That’s okay too, and really, that’s life.
• It can be the person you’re with who makes you want what you want.   In IWASV #6, Leigh said that submitting to Scot is all about how she feels about him and just him, and if they weren’t together, she wouldn’t seek it out.  In my mind, this is important.  The story I’m currently working on has a similar thread to this. The hero has never felt these dominant desires before, but now that he knows what his girlfriend wants, he’s all about being the man she needs.  Their relationship isn’t just about sex, it’s about the bond between them that makes it all possible.  And that’s okay.
• The sub has the real power in the dynamic, safe-words are vital, and trust is of the utmost importance. I put these all together because in my mind, they go hand in hand (in hand). The Dom may wield the whip, but the sub has the ultimate form of control – the ability, with a single word, to stop everything.  Scot talked about the importance of safe words and (or hand signals if gagged) in Safety Dance. I agree with him 100%.   If you don’t think your Dom will stop with a safe word, can you really trust that they have your best interests at heart?  One of my favorite posts on the site is SDS, or Same Damn Spot. I think I fell a little bit in love with him (okay, not really – I have my own guy!) when he said “Well fuck you.” Read the post. If you’re a woman, you’ll laugh about the whole that time of the month thing, if nothing else. But read between the lines. Scot is right. It would’ve been within his role as her Dom to do as he pleased, but Scot LOVES Leigh.  If he’d gone ahead and ignored what he could see and knew to be true, where’s the trust?  Why set up a situation where she’s going to use her safe word, anyway?  That’s a mind-fuck, and not a good one.  Earlier, I said “you don’t have to be a dick to be a Dom.”  Need proof? Right there, in those three words: “Well fuck you.”
• What’s edge play for you may be nothing for someone else.  My stories have, so far, been tame in terms of edges, because I’m writing about people who are just now exploring their kinky desires. Everyone has their own level of kink and their own limits. But even if they never get to wax play or caning, does that make their relationship any less of a D/s one? In my opinion, no. If you make the decision to give your partner complete control, then you’re having a D/s relationship. And if you choose to keep it in the bedroom – or front yard 😉 … then that’s okay too. My book Forbidden Fantasies is about a woman who wants more from her sexual relationship with her husband, but doesn’t know how to ask, even after fifteen years together. Is that unusual? I don’t think so. In fact, I think it’s really common, and that’s the biggest response I’ve gotten from people who’ve read it.  What impresses me about Scot and Leigh (what we see online, anyway, since I don’t know them personally!) is that they both seem to talk a lot about WIITTD –  sanity checks, if you will. And they’re willing to explore their limits, together.

You’ll notice I didn’t focus on the specifics of how Scot and Leigh play. Honestly, there are a few things on TDND that make me wince, but that’s my own personal preferences talking. Do I see from his posts that Scot worries he’s over the line sometimes? Yep. Do I see Leigh berating him for pushing her limits or for treating her like she’s nothing? Nope, just the opposite.  The thing is, what they do works for them, they’re adults, and it’s all consensual.  Like I said earlier, it’s not hard to see that Scot loves Leigh and Leigh loves Scot and they both love the way their relationship has grown and changed over the years.  And that’s what makes this site such fun to visit.

– Jodie Griffin

Thank you so much Jodie for sharing these early AM thoughts with all of the Peekers™!

– Scot

To purchase Forbidden Fantasies: Amazon   Barnes&Noble   CarinaPress   Audible
Forbidden Desires coming November 19, 2012 from Carina Press