Interview With A Submission Vampire Vol.1 No.13

Another Selfish Sunday, another IWASV™ at highway speeds.

The way the blog is starting to resemble a snowball rolling down an Alpine mountainside toward the sleepy, unexpecting village in the valley below feels like blogging above the speed limit as well. I’ll touch on this more sometime tomorrow morning in my weekly Monday java musings slash feeble attempt to chemically jump start my nervous system via massive doses of caffeine and smart ass commentary. But thank you all in advance.

If you are a long time (all of not four months makes you an old timer) Peeker™ you should be familiar with Leigh and mine’s adoration of spanking. She craves the good pain and release that a proper ass blistering can provide. I crave the way a few thousand well placed spanks from my hand can send her so far inside herself, as well as the simplistic reality that it’s humbling and fun as fuck to spank her snowy (more snow references) white ass cherry read.

It’s certainly a symbiotic relationship. Each of us feed off what the other brings, provides and gives freely via the course of a spanking session. Anyone who does not believe in the power exchange aspect of WIITWD is full of shit in my opinion. I’ve blogged about this on numerous occasions. Feel free to review the Random Musings in The Archives for more on my feelings regarding this.

But (heh, I said but while discussing spanking) back to the topic at hand (I’m killing myself here). Peeker™ surrenderedone offered this lovely question in regards to spanking, subspace/Topspace, limits and the power exchange that ties it all together (ooooh, bondage). She wanted to know:

“When Sir and I recently spent a long weekend together, we explored erotic spanking further.  I think my reactions to His spanking caused Him to worry He was hurting me too much for me to handle, and I wasn’t sure how to reassure Him.  I have read enough of your experiences to know that it is a process, that in some ways it seems to be like “hitting” the wall before the endorphins fit in. Both He and I want to push the limits further….to reach that “place.”  Are there any tips you have for reassuring each other and not being afraid to just “let go”?  We both feel we stopped before we really got to the good stuff ;)”

First, thank you for thinking enough of us to ask a spanking question. We are relative newcomers (heh) to this as well.

Spanking can be a (bad joke warning) hit or miss proposition. There are so may ways to approach how to not just incorporate this into your play but also just how. It seems a number of proponents embrace the few but fierce approach of a limited number of actual blows but at a velocity that is close to, if not at, their physical capabilities to deliver. Plus there is the whole issue of striking implements such as paddles, straps, canes, etc.

For the sake of my reply I will deal with the classic bare hand on bare ass. Its hard (I give up) to go wrong with this approach, but with it may I offer these suggestions:

– Start slow and low, as in not that violent. Warm the skin up, get the blood flowing, ease into the scene. You wouldn’t start your car on a freezing January morning and floor the accelerator to red line the RPMs, would you? Then use the same approach when warming your submissive’s ass.

– Use tempo. A slow steady rhythm that can be built on, increased in pace as the scene progresses. To build intensity rapidly strike the same ass cheek in repetition. A ten or twenty count on the same cheek is vastly different from the same alternating every other butt cheek.

– SDS. Cannot convey how important striking they Same Damn Spot repeatedly is. This builds endorphins like nothing else. Don’t wander. Find the submissive’s sweet spot, focus and hit it in succession with our waver. You’ll see.

– Build in breaks to the scene. This is where the Dominant needs to earn their stripes. The ability to know when their submissive has reached a certain level, a plateau, then push them just a little further than they think they can go. Now stop. Allow blood to flow back to the abused area. You’ll be rewarded on a variety of levels for this. It gives the submissive a chance to acclimate to their situation, perhaps get some endorphins, and also the increased blood return should aid in the acquisition of welts and bruises, which are oddly important to most submissives post scene.

– Now start all over but a little harder. Increase the force of the blows, the intensity, etc. Repeat all of the above. With each new round of spanks just keep doing what I described above, but with just a little more force, a hair more intensity.

– Eventually you will both reach a state where it is obvious that you have arrived at, or more specifically pushed each other to, what you think are your limits. This is where communication is key, and why safe words are so important. Until the submissive cries yellow or red, the Dominant should continue. The Dominant should know their submissive well enough to read body language, breathing patterns, muscle tension, verbal cues, etc.

Both of you will need to trust the other implicitly. The submissive will be at ease knowing that the Dominant will not ignore their impending limits but also push them a little. The Dominant will trust that as long as the submissive does not safe w0rd that everything, regardless of what it may appear, is fine. The submissive must NOT be proud! This is crucial. To endure any sort of BDSM play well past the point of “good pain” is dishonest. It is OK to call red, to admit that is enough. But before one does, trust the Dominant to know if you are capable of more than you may think. Likewise, as the Dominant it is your job to know when to push and when to back off.

In the end, it’s all about communication and trust. Don’t abuse either from either role in the D/s dynamic and you both will be rewarded. Don’t be afraid to be afraid, either of you. It’s OK.

I hope this helps you both push past that edge and into a whole new level of “letting go.”

– Scot

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A Peek Back 8-18

I promised, after last’s weeks tangent on safe words, this week would be story intensive. So far I feel that I have honored my word.

Counting poetry, which is special to me in that it’s about one person and one person only (my Leigh), there are five new pieces of erotica to read. And, before midnight Sunday, there will be at least two more.

That would be, since I was in school the day they covered sevens, seven stories and poems in seven days. Its been a challenge to keystroke that much and have the confidence in them to click Publish. But I have enjoyed it, and from the page views so have you. There is a very good chance we could set a single week views record.

Very soon, likely in the next week or so, you will be all privy to some flogging stories, or at least one. Our initial foray into flog play went very well. Leigh was quite floaty, and I was rather proud of my neophyte efforts with the leathers. She has given this avenue the green light, so it’s very likely that as the days grow shorter our flogging stories will grow longer (heh).

I fucking love using it on her. Not gonna lie. But there is so much to learn and consider when using one. Practice, practice, practice. Plus Leigh has had a most unique challenge this week. You’ll read more about that as well.

If you’re a first time Peeker™ Leigh and I welcome you to your virginal peek through the keyhole. I strongly encourage you to view all of the established Pages, which can be viewed by selecting any of the tabs at the top of this page.

The Archives are an inclusive, running version of every post of note on this blog. If you have not read any or all of the stories, random musings, poetry, etc linked from The Archives by all means please grab a seat, perhaps a cup of coffee (we’re big on coffee) sit back and enjoy.

Speaking of coffee, read this week’s Peek Back as I get some more:

Interview With A Submission Vampire Vol.1 No.12 – In leu of a Peeker™ question I accepted another blogging award. This means ten more pieces of Scot Trivia…sigh.

The Greatest Coffee Excuse Is 6 AM Monday – Considering I was barely awake this week’s assortment of random musings was pretty good.

Drip Drop – An erotic poem inspired by the candlelit vision that was Leigh’s chained, spread eagle pose.

Scenesounds – While we haven’t added music to scenes, this is why and also some we might when we do.

The Butterfly Chains Act II – My sadistic plans took an unexpected turn when Leigh’s erotic beauty cast a spell.

An Erotic World Champion Poet – My poem Drip Drop was featured in a cleverly named ePub. I’m totally claiming this.

Breaking Leigh Act XI – The final act in the longest story on the blog, and a very special one to me personally.

Breaking Leigh – Epilogue – The postscript to the above. What happened later that night plus some thoughts on the story.

My Alabaster Doll – Another piece of erotic poetry, this time regarding the flogging of Leigh’s beautifully displayed breasts.

One last thing, a confession if you will. I’m actually typing this Friday evening. Oh, I didn’t lie about getting more coffee. I am. Just not as I prepare to finalize this so I can sleep in with my doll.

Am I sorry to have possibly told a creative truth earlier?

Nope…

– Scot

A Peek Back 8-11

The keyhole this week, at time, felt more like an impromptu soap box, or even a pulpit.

Please don’t think of that opening sentence as my intentional attempts to be preachy. I’ve made no secret that I am a complete neophyte at all of this. Learning on the hand job, if you will. My musings are just that – my two pennies on whatever is on my mind. And its worth that much as well.

I very often plan various post such as stories, but often my random musings are either manifestations of ideas that have been simmering for a while are and ready for public consumption or, more often, something that just occurs to me.

The latter was the case this week. And the results as far as reactions, comments and page views were not just surprising but, in cases, humbling beyond my means to convey. When, in essence, complete strangers (well, y’all have to admit we are all strange!) take something you wrote and not just to heart but to their spouse…

…that’s humbling. Seriously. I don’t even know where to start with the magnitude, significance and overall “Really?” of that.

Serious shit for so early on a weekend, huh?

The blog had its second best week for views. July doubled June’s visits, which were two times as many as May. Closing in on 500 Peekers™. Twitter has exploded again (we really do have a lot of fun just bullshitting there). I don’t shamelessly shill for any type of Following of any sort anywhere. So these numbers reflect perverts, er, people who are curious, who want to peek through the keyhole and, if they like what read, share with others. Leigh and I thank all of you for the love, support and general debauchery you share.

And only one cup of coffee so far!

If you’re a first time Peeker™ Leigh and I welcome you to your initial peek through the keyhole. I strongly encourage you to view all of the established Pages, which can be viewed by selecting any of the tabs at the top of this page.

The Archives are an inclusive, running version of every post of note on this blog. If you have not read any or all of the stories, random musings, poetry, etc linked from The Archives by all means please grab a seat, perhaps some java, sit back and enjoy.

In that I want to go get more java, here is this week’s Peek Back:

The Unsafe Word – I very rarely beg. It’s Leigh that begs. That said, please I beg of you read this if you or someone you know is thinking about meeting a Dominant for the first time.

Interview With A Submission Vampire Vol.1 No.11 – Peeker™ extarodinaire Jodie Griffin wanted to know if I had limits and have safe worded. I kinda went off on a tangent while answering her question.

Coffee Kickstart My Blog – My weekly way too early on a Monday ramblings while trying to wake up. This past week I mused for over 1200 words! Yeah coffee!

Breaking Leigh Act X – The hairbrush finally comes out. Will Leigh finally cry from just spanking?

The Butterfly Chains – The newest story on the blog. If spread eagle chain bondage is your kink, you may want to read this.

An Open Letter To The Frustrated Submissive Wife’s Husband – My humble thoughts for a wife’s Mr. she wishes would become Sir as well. The response to this has been amazing.

Butterflies Flight Of  Fantasy – An ePaper thought enough of The Butterfly Chains to Feature it!

I Lost My Interview Cherry And With Coffee! – I was asked by the vivacious Bell of DD & D/s, an amazing spanking and DD & D/s blog, to share some things about myself and kink…over coffee! My first blog interview!

Done. Publish. Second cup of coffee. Ahhhhhhh…

– Scot

I Lost My Interview Cherry And With Coffee!

My blog interview cherry has been popped.

The vivacious Bella of DD & D/s, one of my Most Awesomest Blogs, chose me for their inaugural edition of Coffee And Kink! So not only was Bella my first, but I hers.

What?

Anyway, Bella is a fellow Javahead, spanking enthusiast, a total kinkster as well as the author of one of the best D/s and DD blogs around. Her spanking stories and resources are amazing. So when she asked me if I would be open to answering some questions about myself and kink I was extremely humbled and honored.

So grab a mug of coffee, get comfy and check out what I had to say. And thank you once again Bella!

– Scot

An Open Letter To The Frustrated Submissive Wife’s Husband

When I wrote An Open Letter To The Frustrated Submissive Wife I had no idea it would become one of the most popular page views on the blog. It was in response to not just a direct question from a Peeker™ via email but also, by a landslide, the most commonly used keyword search theme that finds TDND™.

It did not occur to me at the time that the frustrated submissive wife would ask her husband to read either that or other posts in The Archives. I know that the overwhelming majority of Peekers™ are female, which is cool. I also acknowledge that blogs like ours are, by all accounts, rare. Not many Sirs who are also Mr. to their Mrs. write. You hear about them all the time via their doll’s (that’s the term I use for Leigh so it’s what I am comfortable saying) blog posts, but never get to interact with them, read their thoughts, see their feelings first hand, etc. It’s always from her view, her recollection, her interpretation.

As I and Peeker™ Nation both learned throughout the drama that was the Torn saga (especially when Leigh interjected her own feelings and views) was that my perceived reality and Leigh’s couldn’t have been more different. It was an extremely valuable, albeit  emotionally and spiritually tortuous, lesson. But now learned, I am in a much better place to admit to myself that there are parts of my psyche that are just plain vile, perverted and sadistic…and that Leigh loves when I let who/what/it I know refer to as Hyde come out to play. The links on that page offer more insight.

Combine all the aforementioned and this is what I would like to say to you, her current guy and potential Sir:

To the Husband Of A Frustrated Submissive Wife,

I know exactly how you feel. Trust me, I was there.

Oh sure, some husbands just take to Dominating their wives likes ducks to water. But I’ll bet that you and I are the norms rather than the exception. To be completely upfront yes, it was my idea to start all of what you can read about in The Archives. But, based on my brief experiences sharing WIITWD…

Oh, that’s What It Is That We Do, a common BDSM acronym. You’ll learn more about that in time and so much more if you listen very closely to what I am about to share with you.

Remember her? You know, the woman who eventually became your Mrs.? Think back to the very first months or year of that courtship. Smiling evilly right now? Good! You should be. She was something back then, huh? Amazing sex on draft whenever you wanted it. Everything tasted better when you two went out on dinner dates. The music that you danced and did all sorts of naughty things to are still etched into your memory as a soundtrack of Life’s Greatest Hits. More than likely she was thinner then, obviously younger, and the mere sight and thought of you made her head spin, heart pound and pussy drip.

Perhaps there were no gray hairs yet, or if you are blessed with children what pregnancy, childbirth and raising infants can do to the female anatomy, let alone mentality.

And I bet you were kinky, or at least tried kinky shit. Sex someplace other than the bedroom is kinky. So are simple blindfolds made when you almost took her teddy off all the way. Or that time you pinned her arms down when you both were in the throes of an amazing quickie. Or how could you forget caving into that temptation to CRACK her doggy style arched ass while you fucked her into the Tuesday of next week…and she liked it.

But Time waits for no one. You now have responsibilities, perhaps a family. Those little people running around your house are demanding. You are both heavier, stressed, no longer each other’s focal point, maybe even starting to gray. And that’s OK. You take care of things, which she may not say as much but loves when you do so. Bonus points if it’s without being asked.

Sex is now mundane, perhaps even predictable. Hey, with the mortgage due and the transmission acting up its understandable. Bills, meals, yard work, the kid’s practices, can’t forget the job and all that stress.

Am I hitting home yet?

And, now to top all of this off, the woman who wears your ring wants you to not just take her sexually but even use her that way in what you think is a perverted manner. Roughly. Violently. Tied up and helpless. Made to beg to orgasm, then thank you for the privilege. Spanked to the point of tears, then fucked raw.

Maybe she wants to be forced to do things that even she finds humiliating and degrading. She saw this video online of this poor girl who was made to….

…and all the while you are thinking “WHO the fuck is this woman?”

For years she has been your equal partner (who am I kidding? She runs this show!). You were taught your whole life to be respectful, courteous, treat women with kid gloves. You love her more than anything and would never hurt a hair on her head, lat alone even think about raising your hand to her.

She’s your wife. Your lover. Carried your babies for you. Your best friend in the whole world. She balances the checkbook, buys the groceries, makes the meals, takes the kids everywhere like a fucking taxi, worries about how she looks, has her own job worries and issues…and wonders if you still feel the same way about her as you did when you first dated.

Pulse racing a little? Getting a little warm, or even pissed?

Good!

That means fuck yes you do care! If by now you’re still cold as stone inside do us both a favor and stop reading this. You have bigger issues to resolve than the fact that your wife wants to be your slut and you her Sir. But, if your face is slightly flushed and you’re using your selective male hearing because you’re so focused, listen very closely:

D/s (that’s Domination and submission) can bring “her” back. And not for the reasons you think.

Yes, the incredible “that only happens in pornography” sex will help. But in order to do WIITWD you need to communicate openly and freely. You need to respect any limits she has. That’s not to say you can’t push them, but you will respect them. Trust is crucial. It’s the riverbed communication flows over.

What is going to happen is that everything it takes to Dominate your wife, especially BDSM, will spill over into every other aspect of your now dull, predictable married lives. She, for everything else in your lives she makes decisions on and about, wants to not just NOT do that in the bedroom but completely made to do whatever it is YOU want. And I mean whatever.

She wants to have an affair. She wants to cheat on her husband. She thinks about another man constantly, one that will do the most heinously perverted things to her, in her, on her, with her and for her.

You.

She wants to cheat on her husband with her own spouse.

And don’t tell me you haven’t had the same kind of feelings. You’ve looked. We all do. So does she. But what if you could have a torrid affair and she not only knew about it but gave you her blessing as well?

You can. With your wife.

The Trust and Communication that flows out of D/s will blow the ashes off the embers forged during the infancy of your relationship, the same embers you thought were long cold and dead.

They’re not. They never die. Time and all its allies will heap a mountain of ash called Life and Reality on top of them, but they never stopped glowing. You may have grown colder, as did she, but the fire still remained.

D/s and BDSM, specifically what it takes to embrace them, will not just blow away all those ashes but restoke those embers to the inferno you remember burning in your and her eyes when you first dated.

You hold the key, or should I say rope and paddle, in your hands. What you do with it is up to you.

Now if you excuse me I feel an overwhelming desire to sext my wife. I cannot wait to see her eyes, kiss her lips, hold her tight and let our own rekindled flames burn brighter.

I love you Leigh.

– Scot

Coffee Kickstart My Blog

Apologies to Nikki, Tom, Vince and Mick for the javanated post title.

Holy shit is it thick out! I could slice the air and serve it with a side salad as a warm luncheon entrée. And when your play area is not air-conditioned, well…

Leigh is NOT a sweaty sex fan. At. All. On more than one occasion the nearby post-romp towel to be becomes a during-romp head cover to prevent the drip drip drip of a fuck fuck fucking Scot from rain rain raining all over her. Its amusing at the least. Sometimes I just quickly shift into the mindset of taking advantage of the kidnap victim, or actually press down on the towel’s edges to snug it against her face, but not gasping for air, tight. Or, since she has checked out visually (ironically she loves to be blindfolded) so will I by closing my eyes and….

What? Oh nononononono! No. And one more thing…..No!

I do not fantasize about being with someone else. E-v-e-r. Have no desire to be with another. And, truth be told, I can’t. It’s not an issue of Leigh being jealous (although I love the fact she is über possessive of her guy). No, its me. I literally can not fantasize about being with another woman. It’s something that, even given my admittedly very vivid and quick on the draw imagination, is just not within my abilities.

It probably has something to do with the fact that (I may lose Peekers™ over this admission) I have extreme difficulty reading fiction. Unless it happened, or I can believe that it did happen, it just holds no appeal to me. I’d much rather read a well researched biography or historical account.

The fact that a majority of my Peekers™ are not just avid, voracious readers of fiction (primarily erotic) but also writers of the same is not lost on me. And I am trying my hand at a piece of erotic fiction for ePub. So Tell Me should be ready for download by the beginning of October. So far I like how it is going. A lot more dialogue in it than I typically write. Plus it is a (SPOILER ALERT) femdom of myself! *gasp*

Yup, I get Topped. Severely. The last I left Scot, he had been chained to an antique couch by a sex therapist who, how shall I say this, has a most unusual method for treating her clients. A very hands on approach, as well as other body orifices.

And, in typical Scot teasing fashion, its taken me almost 5,000 words before anything kinky happened. I honestly have no idea how long the end story will be.

I must admit I am a bit concerned that this topic/genre may alienate a large number of Peekers™ expecting more of what they have come (heh) to know and love about TDND™. Not sure how it is going to be received. Guess we’ll find out in October.

But yes, I literally can not fantasize about fucking anyone but Leigh, or think of any other woman in a sexual manner. Just can’t. My brain does not work that way.

The past weekend has been an interesting one on the blog. Not by design, but I ended up writing about and championing safewords quite a bit. The last two posts focus on it. And please, if you or anyone you know are using online forums to search for Dominants to play with, I beg (seriously) you to read and share The Unsafe Word with as many people as you wish. And the most recent interview question deals with safewords as well.

Already on my second cup of java, so:

– For the Peekers™ who will be meeting Sirs for the first time in the very near future, I am both thrilled and concerned. Yes, I care. I hope you find what you seek, that it is an amazing safe, sane and consensual experience, and that you enjoy the journey into yourself. Just please be safe, OK?

– I am in the process of being interviewed for the first time! This is most exciting and extremely humbling. You will all be privy to the sordid details when they come (heh) out.

– If you Follow me on Twitter and have a locked account, that’s cool. I totally respect that. However, I am not going to Follow you back unless I find you interesting and active online. So you need to talk to me, or else just be content to hide in 140 character shadows.

– If your Twitter account has 1,000+ Followers and you Follow 1,000+ people, but you only have 17 or less Tweets…I am not Following you. Sorry.

– Leigh and I broke the flogger out the other evening. I’m not 100% confidant in my abilities yet to really use it on her as we both would like. To that end I’ve been practicing (yes, Doms practice) on the pillows in the bedroom. Suffice to say a number of the pillows have been in subspace for weeks now. But in they are filled with down feathers I think their drop will be a light one.

They are getting more leather than the slaves at kink.com.

This past evening we just enjoyed playing with it for the sake of playing. Leigh had its leathery talons danced, teased, drug, flicked and stroked all over her naked form. Squirm City. Lots of laughter, sighing, cooing, humorous sounds. “GAAAAHHHH!!!!” is not a sound typically associated with flogging.

After a while I did use it in the manner it is most often thought of, albeit extremely lightly. I dare say I went no harder than a 2, but Leigh did enjoy having that sensation all over. This is a big step for her in that prior it was her ass or nothing. So for her to relish the light sting and thud against her back, torso, breasts, etc. was a big step. After we finished she, under the covers, allowed me to really let it fly. We’ll just say that an 8 in effort through a comforter was fun for both.

I like using it. A lot. So hopefully all of you will get to read about our journey with the tails soon.

– As for this week, I have tried for two days to write Act X of Breaking Leigh. It’s a vital Act, the one in which the hair brush finally gets used and possibly the one in which the tears flow. It needs to be perfect. And my mind has not been there. Hopefully early this week it will happen. I know many of you have read along for an eternity now waiting for this, so I want my efforts to be worthy of your efforts. Chain Of Rules will see another Act, and the scorching story that is Seek And Go Hyde (this is, I feel, the hottest I’ve written yet) will also be added to. We got more awards, which means more Scot trivia (head on table…thud). Another poem more than likely (I like writing these for Leigh) and if I finally can get my fucking ass to Dom Depot for some clandestine photos, an installment of BDSM On A Budget. I also have new stories to start! (we keep having amazing scenes…sorry!)

Damn, over 1200 words! Guess coffee did kickstart my blog!

– Scot

Interview With A Submission Vampire Vol.1 No.11

Welcome to the Spinal Tap edition of IWASV™. We’ve gone to eleven.

If that first sentence has you scratching you head, I feel for you. You probably also think Stonehenge is more than a foot tall.

It’s amazing to sit here not even three months into the journey and think back on it all. When I approached Leigh that fateful May evening with the idea, I had no fucking idea that it would become what it has, what it is, and what the cards the Fates hold for our future may be.

Our lives have changed, and all for the better. We’re having torrid affairs with each other’s spouse. Communication flows, hands hold, orgasms multiply, eyes flirt, shit gets done, asses (well, her ass) get blistered. Its been a second courtship. And all because of what has transpired outside the bedroom as a result of what it takes to perspire behind its closed door safely, sanely and consensually.

A heartfelt thanks to the kinky, perverted minions that make up Peeker™ Nation.

This week’s question is courtesy of Peeker™ and naughty romance author Jodie Griffin. She is one of the most avid of my Twitter Followers. If you are not Following along there, please consider it. I’m much more laid back in 140 character bites. Anyway, Jodie wanted to know:

“Leigh has limits. Do you? And have you ever safe-worded out of / stopped a scene because you thought Leigh was too far gone to make that decision herself?”

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Wow, what a great question(s) Jodie! Have to put on my TDND™ thinking cap for this. Its cool, even has a lil’ propeller on top.

I do have limits. And yes, I use the same safe words Leigh does. Have I used them? No. But I have them.

What? A Dominant with safe words? What the fuck is that? Why would a Dominant have to safe word out of a scene? Plenty of reasons.

First, and I have made no secret of how I feel about this, a Dominant who does not believe in or allow safe words is nothing more than a bully. Period. They are deciding what is and is not a limit for their submissive. That’s not a D/s dynamic, that is not SSC.

It’s not a power exchange, but rather a power theft. And like most bullies, they are afraid. Afraid of one fucking, little word, a word that very often never gets used, if ever. Just its existence is threatening. Now I am not condoning the use of safe words as a means to “ride the breaks” in a scene. Constant use of Yellow is not going to benefit either party in the long run, plus it is in essence Topping from the bottom. But allowing the Dominant to decide what is and is not enough is ridiculous. That  is why you have the fucking safe word, and not for the obvious reason you may think.

Of course there is the opportunity for abuse, but I would be more concerned about the opposite in not pushing the submissive far enough. Deciding for them when they have had enough? What if they wanted, could handle and expected a lot more, and you as the non-safe word using Dominant stopped short?

Of course you communicate, but really? Asking them mid scene if they want to continue is no fucking different from them saying Yellow. As a matter of fact, that is exactly what that is – Dominant Yellow. That is why you have the safe word. This way you can just go, do, be, feel, react, flow, exchange, dominate, submit and live in the moment know that one little word means “I need to talk with you.”

I just don’t get it. But I have always preached TETO (To Each There Own).

The thought of safe wording out during Torn did cross my mind. But I can now thank the actual fucking existence of safe words for being the reason I did not. Leigh did not safe word. I knew she had it and she had ample opportunity to say it hundreds of times. She did not, although she did beg me to stop. Was she lying right then, spewing false emotions, not being honest?

Fuck. No. She was ragged, in my view basically being raped.

I pushed her to her limits, but more so pushed myself beyond what mine were at that time in our D/s dynamic. As a result we both shared an amazing intense experience that has made me a much better Sir to her. It allowed her to live the scene to its fullest, complete with verbal release matching her physical and emotional distress.

Aside from the obvious of having my soul forged hotter and harder in the furnace of the moment, we really communicated afterward. Two entire evenings were devoted to just talking about what had transpired from my vantage point. And now we both have a better understanding of what to expect and demand from each other. I know what she can take and give, she knows that I will take it and give it back in spades. We exchange as mutual partners, equals in the dynamic, each respecting what each other brings. She respects my authority and demands, I respect her hard limits…and her safe word.

As far as a checklist of what I would consider my hard limits, I could easily copy and paste any of the multitude of such lists easily found online. But my answering 200 questions (yes, 200 potential hard limits) with one of ten different answers….well, I don’t view our D/s dynamic as a SAT test style checklist. I know there are certain perversions and fetishes that neither of us have any fucking interest in exploring at all. TETO.

And as for those that may be “Curious” (like her recent initial foray into public exhibitionism and proclivity), well I guess you will have to wait and see how the next nine months unfold to read all about it.

– Scot