Interview With A Submission Vampire Vol.1 No.10

Another Selfish Sunday, another Interview at 60MPH.

Leigh’s insistence on driving is a double edged sword of sorts. On one side of the blade there is the obvious affront to my driving skills and rugged machismo. As mentioned previously, I am not the household’s all-time record holder in moving violations (heh).

But then I turn the blade over and there is being, in effect, chauffeured by a vivacious, large breasted, baby blue eyed redhead. Don’t think that I don’t cop gratuitous feels or looks. And I also get to just be, relax, zone out. Leigh has commented on the snoring beside her on more than one occasion.

And I get to read, which I adore. Unlike a lot of people I don’t get car sick when skimming pages over the speed limit. And eat. And drink.

And why the fuck am I complaining? Exactly what is wrong with this picture?

Why, nothing. Drive on Leigh, drive on. I have perverts to interact with. And if I chance across an unsecured WiFi hot spot even update the blog on the fly…literally.

Which brings us to, as not to upset any of the local law enforcement and add to Leigh’s house record, a just over the speed limit installment of IWASV™, our tenth one! Has it really been ten weeks of TDND™ already? Damn!

This week’s question is courtesy of avid Peeker™ Kayla Lords. Her comments are always insightful, raw in honesty, usually dripping with heat and overall good mojo. She also gives great blog. Check her out.

Kayla wanted to know:

“In your posts, you talk about the sensuous, sexual side of your TDND relationship.  I don’t remember a post about discipline/punishment for Leigh when she does something wrong.  Is that not a part of the dynamic of your relationship?  Do you simply choose to keep that part of your relationship private?  Or I have gone blind, and you’ve talked about it plenty, but I didn’t see it?  If you don’t mind sharing, how does punishment and discipline work in your D/s relationship?”

First, thank you for the question Kayla. We love Peekers™ who want more of an eyeful.

Leigh did touch on this very issue when she shared her thoughts and views via answering the spanking meme, specifically questions #4, 11, 17, 21, 38, 42 and 46. But to expound on this, no we do not use spanking as a form of actual punishment. Although, to be fair, I did interject it into the Breaking Leigh scene as an unplanned reason as to why she was to be spanked to tears.

That, in hindsight (really bad spanking joke) was likely more for me to establish a persona opposite her naughty school girl. So it may be fair to say that in the future when we do role play, we may very well use pseudo punishment as an underlying theme to give us a common delineator between characters.

But, as Leigh so distinctly put it in the meme, she enjoys “spanking for the sake of spanking.” And she also loathes, and I mean bristles, at the thought of introducing actual punishment in any way, shape or form. This is one area of D/s that she has absolutely zero interest in exploring. Outside the bedroom we are we. She is my wife, my best friend, my equal partner in the journey of life. She does not take well to being told what to do, which may explain why behind a closed bedroom door she embraces it.

I’ve referenced this a few times in previous musings about her, that there are dark aspects to Leigh she has a love-hate relationship with. As in she hates to admit that she loves being forced to be such a slut, to do and have done to/with/in/on her all types of perversions. Be it to herself due to situation, or out loud and verbally to me as a result of certain persuasive techniques, she can use D/s as a conduit to remove herself from the equation. She is not the one doing these filthy acts, but rather she has no choice but to do them.

Personally, I would rather feed off this internal dilemma of carnal mind fuck than have her a wantonly open and enthusiastically uninhibited slut offering the same. Its so much more delicious to force her to confront her own filthy kink than to have her just give it away to me. Its not the kill, but the thrill of the chase.

So, indirectly, there are trace elements of humiliation and punishment. But those are just for us to enjoy. I have no desire to subject her to any similar dilemmas outside our dynamic, not that she would allow me to anyway. Plus, she’s far too bright a diamond to dull that way.

For us the D/s dynamic works just fine without being caged within the framework of a formalized agreement, contract and any subsequent penalties for violating one. She has four simple rules for when the bedroom door closes, and I respect any and all her hard limits. That is not to say  I do not push her on some of them. I’d be a sad excuse of a Sir to not try to help her venture further inside herself than she may admit she is capable of going.

I’m not passing judgment on those who find this exhilarating or even a fetish. I can totally see the appeal of it, and if the looming threat of punishment works for them by all means more power exchange to them. My only thoughts on such arrangements is that often the submissive will be a brat on purpose to be disciplined, punished, etc. I’m not down with that at all. Its classic Topping from the bottom “Ooooh, I was a bad, bad girl. I’m going to get punished!” on purpose shit.

That’s not being honest. That’s an end to a means (another bad spanking joke) with an agenda. The purpose is willful intent to achieve a desired result – being disciplined for “bad behavior”. Its basically role play, which is fine. Just don’t call it structured or formal punishment. It is what it is – role playing, not D/s punishment.

Just yesterday Leigh texted me and said “I think I need a good spanking. So I can just let go for a while.” You will all be reading about the beauty of that evening soon, if I can adequately find the words to properly paint such a special moment with the portrait it deserves.

No punishment. No discipline. I was in control, she was subservient to my wishes. Yet we worked together, hand on ass, to get both of us to a beautiful moment in time. And not one iota of her being a bad girl deserving an hour on my lap while her collar was chained to the wall.

She was an angel over my knee. And angels should not be punished. They should be celebrated, even one spank at a time.

Just my two cents, which is about all its worth.

– Scot

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21 responses to “Interview With A Submission Vampire Vol.1 No.10

  1. That’s interesting. I can understand your point about not using spanking as a form of punishment. I wouldn’t want it that way.

    • To be 100% honest we did role play it into Breaking Leigh, and I admit it was a rush to play the part of punishing. But I cannot envision us ever embracing it as an actual form of punishment for some kind of misdeed, whatever that means or may be.

      In order for there to be punishment there would need to be an established agreement, basically a contract. I’m not interested in this, and I know damn well Leigh isn’t.

  2. Given the amount of attention that it takes to implement actual punishment, I understand where you stand. “Play” punishment is fine, because it really is part of the fun of BDSM. I thought I wanted the 24/7 life for a while, until I realized how mentally and emotionally taxing it is. I’m too smart and too independent to want that kind of life.

    • Agreed. Its akin to a parental and/or spousal relationship in its structure. This is one of the reasons I wrote “Building Pyramids Upside Down.” It takes a lot of time and effort to undertake such a D/s dynamic. Leigh & I already have that which many of these aspire to and in spades.

  3. An illuminating post as always, dear Scot. :]

    I wanted to share that although I myself sometimes receive spankings for small indiscretions–a smart mouth, taunting, teasing… etc. It’s not always something I mean to do, and I think intent is really what makes it bratty behavior or momentary misstep. For instance, sometimes I really don’t think before I speak, and although the discipline helps me not to be rude toward Sir, it also helps me curb my real life temper and tendency to overreact. Also, we use spankings for small indiscretions because I enjoy them quite a bit, and I wouldn’t want the emotional trauma of punishment to override physical pleasure when I’m getting a spanking that I want.

    We don’t have a contract, but sometime I am given standing orders (orgasm denial… etc) and if I disobey them I would be punished, not usually by spanking, for the reason stated above.

    I don’t know about other people who do enjoy domestic discipline or punishment, but sometimes my outside-the-bedroom life will melt into my inside-the-bedroom life. I find that when I become mad at myself for something I’ve done–something at work or in classes, a deadline I didn’t make, etc, I crave punishment from my Sir’s hand. Not because he thinks I deserve it, but because it helps me overcome my emotional upsets, almost like an atonement. I feel as though I have a clean slate afterwards; it helps me to feel good about me. That is not to say I couldn’t overcome it without the aid of DD or punishment, but it does speed up the process.

    Lastly I should mention that once I drove home drunk and my Sir did threaten a very scary and very real punishment if I ever did it again, but I feel that stems from caring, and fear for my safety.

    There are so many subtleties under the umbrella, but you and Leigh have definitely found one of the most pleasurable instances in the role play aspect. It tends to get the blood flowing (as we all well know from the glorious description of her reddened ass cheeks). ;]

    xoxo
    Fatal

    • A lovely, eloquent, thoughtful and well presented reply. You touch on so many points so well. The whole dynamic that is DD is, like D/s and BDSM, full on subtle nuances.

      You and I have discussed some of what I mention in regards to a very intense, multi-post scene you two shared. I know my views initially irritated you, which was not my intent. So I was hoping you would share when I discussed this, and you did, and damn well.

      As I am fond of saying, TETO 🙂 And it appears that both of us are fortunate enough to have found an Own To Each with.

      Scot

  4. Well, Scot, thank you for answering my questions! Based on what I’d read in your blog already, everything you’ve said makes perfect sense for your relationship with Leigh (have I mentioned yet this week what a lucky girl she is? lol).

    Since you’ve read my blog, you know I’m exploring (slowly) my submissive side – and no, I would never want spanking or anything else that’s associated with pleasure to be considered punishment (for the exact same reasons)…but I had conversations with others related to discipline to properly “teach” the Dom’s expectations (usually for a new submissive who’s not already in a loving relationship with their Dom).

    Of course, in a relationship like yours and Leigh, yes, I can imagine she’d kick your ass (out of the bedroom) for trying anything like that…

    Thank you for letting the rest of us Peek into your world…it’s a pleasure and an honor…

    • You are welcome and thank you for such a lovely question to answer. As I have made no secret in replies to your toe curling daydreams I really hope you listen to your inner submissive and explore it.

      And its our humble honor to get to share the journey with souls like yours.

  5. Great read and so very accurate. The escape, isn’t that why some of us thrive on this lifestyle? A precious kitten needs to be loved and taken, not pained beyond limits.

  6. Once again…you and Leigh are living my vision of what I should love to have someday. I refer to the spanking Leigh wanted as an ‘adjustment”…not necessarily a punishment, but a release for awhile. I do hope to experience it some day..until then I will live vicariously as a Peeker…..

      • Well at least I know what I seek is not far from the reality of what it can be….don’t you have a twin brother or something?

      • LMAO….well damn everybody else keeps wanting to find a man for me I figured it was worth a shot to see if you guys had any connections since you know my dark side. Ugh lol

  7. I love your post and your explanation. It has made me really think about “punishment.” It is so true that spanking as punishment is a tricky thing – at least for me. When that was a part of my relationship, I noticed that I did a lot of misbehavior just to get spanked, when what I needed to do is ask for a spanking. My Dom and I will certainly “play” with that in a scene – but it is scene specific. My role became much less conflicted when spanking was something I felt like I could vocalize needing, but more importantly, Sir can frequently tell when I am in need of re-centering and take me upstairs for a spanking. As for the mitigation of “braty” behavior – he took away spankings and that immediately dealt wth that. I feel much better since we cleared up that portion of our relationship.

    • Thank you for sharing part of your dynamic, both past and present. Your examples are exactly what I was referring to as far as real vs role, or intentional “misbehavior” to achieve a desire result.

      And yes, total indifference is possibly the most powerful tool a Dominant in a structured, formalized D/s relationship has. Far more stinging than any striking toy or the sort in that it delivers blows to the spirit and soul instead of flesh and skin.

  8. Yes, we’re new this and at first I thought I might like real punishments, but I have come to the conclusion that i love spanking and it should stay that way– a love, not something to avoid. I also am not a fan of the parental-spouse thing.

    I appreciate your take on this!

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