A Rising Tide Floats All Boats

Well, in that I write a BDSM blog c.2012 I guess its time for my obligatory thoughts on a certain neutral hued book series (Disclaimer – No, I have not read them, nor do I intend to.)

My thoughts are more on the backlash against not so much the quality or believability of the writings, but rather those who are making this out to be the BDSMpocalypse, The End Of Scenes, Harmageddon, and so on.

I have always, in being an admitted neophyte to WIITWD, made sure to give proper respect, thanks, appreciation and general kudos to those who live and breathe BDSM and/or D/s. There are countless millions whom I will never know who devote their lives to the craft of pain, Dominance and submission, for who it is a way of life.

I make no secret that I have so much to learn about all of this, and have spent many hours doing so via books, online research and interacting with like-minded perverts via TDND™. I admire, respect and have the utmost appreciation for those who so openly share, promote, discuss, assist and help the next generation of kinksters, whatever generation they may fall in at the time they decide to embrace the darker side of human sexuality.

But the uproar over the invasion of the porn mommies is, really, I mean folks….c’mon. As the title of this post infers, a rising tide floats all boats. So what if the tide is grey?

Allow me to elaborate:

The people devouring this series will become curious. What else is out there? Do you think for a second the authors of more accepted BDSM themed fiction and/or non-fiction are upset their works are getting reissued? Fuck no! A whole new generation will get to discover the beauty of The Taking Of Sleeping Beauty now that its being repackaged and rereleased. Countless BDSM fiction authors are also getting the opportunity to not just be compensated again for their efforts but have their older works rediscovered. I know a certain author, a lifetime BDSM scene activist and player, whose works are now on the shelf at your local Target. Why?

The grey tide.

Further along the same lines couples, or more specifically the women in them or will be in them, are now curious. To which I say – YEAH! How sad to think that so many would just go their lives and think of kink as leaving the lights on and not removing the throw pillows during sex. Now they, with a grey fire lit inside them, want to know, see, feel, explore, participate. I will admit that I have my reservations about what their expectations are based on their readings. It’s not easy going from being her guy to her Sir. It does not happen overnight. Nor is it easy to completely submit. It’s a lot fucking harder than it sounds to just let go and be.

I also can envision that, in the future, predators sitting back and wistfully recall the feeding frenzy of 2012 when schools of grey blinded, inexperienced yet curious submissives swam blindly and enthusiastically into their teeth. Not all Dominants have their submissive’s best interest at heart, if at all sadly. But I digress.

I would hope that the long time scene activists and life-stylers, the same ones nauseated by all this grey furor, are also reaping the rewards of it. Web site traffic, increased memberships, views and downloads, attendance at seminars and conventions, toy and gear manufacturers and retailers. All of their boats high on a grey tide that turned very green for them. Do they ask each new pervert if they are there because they’re grey? And if so, do they turn down the opportunity to benefit from the high tide? I seriously doubt it.

The phenomenon is not unprecedented. These books are what are called “transitional.” They act as the conduit, the bridge, the open door to a whole new world. The Story Of O gets discovered, de Sade’s Justine looked at. Non-fictional tomes become user’s manuals. Suddenly a scarf is not just a fashion accessory, or rope something to use for yard work. I’ve even read that, in England, home improvement stores are seeing a huge increase in rope sales as they ride the grey wave. “You Can Do It, We Can Help” indeed!

The grey door may be cheap and unattractive to many, but it is open. And many are not just peeking through (shameless plug of our site’s slogan) but walking into the unknown through it. And that is good.

For what will invariably happen is what has happened on almost all the blogs I have read. That what it takes to explore D/s and BDSM spills over into the relationship by the bucketful. Communication blossoms, interest is rekindled, bounds having nothing to do with cuffs or chains grow stronger. For couples in long established relationships the embers of the early days of their union are stoked again. They may have been covered with layers of ash from decades of real life and what it did to their passion. Mortgages, bills, kids, age, familiarity, etc. But those embers never died. They were always there. And along comes the winds of D/s and/or BDSM and, more specifically, everything aside from the obvious that they require.

And those embers glow, burn, blaze anew. Does amazing, kinky sex have anything to do with it? Sure! But that wasn’t the only reason you fell in love with your other. Every other aspect of that passion is rekindled. And for many of them, because of something grey on a Kindle.

And I think that’s fucking great. A single grey step turned into yellow and red, which became rose colored through putting on old spectacles long forgotten.

So the next time you feel the urge to pass judgment, perhaps take a step back and appreciate that they are, at least, interested. And that, in time, they may come (heh) to know the same things you do and be a much better couple or person for it.

That their hair will turn grey but not their new passion, regardless of what color book set them along a fresh kinky path into the future.

– Scot

23 responses to “A Rising Tide Floats All Boats

  1. So right, and so true. I read each book more than once. I loved it. Yes, the writing was horrid. Yes, it needs better editors. With all that is wrong, it obviously did something right. Thank you for not being among the many that try to strip away an author’s credit. As a writer, it was the author’s prerogative to share the story with the world.

  2. Madame Bovary was a big deal once too. Shrug.


    So I was avoiding Wal-Martians by shopping at Target today (they sell Nads; need I say more?) when I heard an audible gasp followed by “Oh my GOD!” in the aisle I’d just passed.

    Concerned that someone might have hurt themselves (seriously ~ sounded like they stubbed their toe or broke a nail or something), I turned my head to ascertain whether someone was, indeed, in distress (it *could* have just been indigestion, after all), and what I saw made me…

    Well. It made me snort. Lol.

    Because there, in the middle of the Media department, I saw a very large woman’s eyes get even larger than SHE was, while clutching a Grey book to her chest and swooning.

    Swooning. Seriously.


    Not sure if kink is in her personal future, but if today’s display was any indication…

    It’s possible she’ll (at the very least) require recussitation.

    • Thank you for sharing this. I will admit to letting my smart ass gland think of oh so many replies to this, but I will take the high road. I honestly hope for her that perhaps this may be, at the least, a step into herself.

      Granted from your description it needs to be a big step, but still.

    • Thanks. I feel so as well. I have no doubt that there will be many bad experiences based on unrealistic expectations. But for some it will change their lives and for the better. And yes, many in the lifestyle will benefit financially, which is great.

  3. I had a similar (yet much less eloquent) conversation with someone about this a few days ago…and I agree with you completely…I still haven’t read the books…but I know that I will eventually…

  4. I read all three books – well after DH and I started TTWD. Yes, I’ve read better. And the story seemed a little too unrealistic. But like you, I see the positive.
    The publicity around the books has opened up the genre. This has made my “Mom friends” open up and explore more good reads. Which in turn, makes it easy for all of us to swap and share!
    And honestly, if these books were out earlier they might have led me to explore my sexuality earlier. I was 36, DH was 40, when we started TTWD. I can just imagine the years we could have been having more fun…

  5. It s my understanding that the books are not a BDSM guide, but more like BDSM fan-fiction. Hey, another author found a way to quit a day job because of skill with the written word. I can be envious of that, right?

    I also understand a film series is in the works. Women will come home from those films wanting to be fucked silly. As a fan of being able to fuck Mrs. AP silly, I approve of that which further liberates and encourages experimentation and orgasms.

    Stay SINful
    Mr. AP

  6. If only I had gotten started writing sooner…I might have been one of those riding the tide….oh well

  7. I think I agree with you–curiosity has to come from somewhere, and if more ladies end up getting more jollies, then I am all for it. My kinky imagination got opened up by a person, but it would have been just as valid if it had started with a story.

  8. Exactly!! Grey is the “gateway book.” I have noticed that among my friends, the largest source of contempt is how “light” this “purported BDSM book” is.

    Really? You think this virgin would go from nothing to heavy BDSM overnight? Seriously?? I mean, yeah, it’s fiction, but come on. That’s probably the most realistic aspect of the entire series!


    • The desire to go from zero to full throttle and the reality of it are two entire separate things. I will assume the vast majority of woman reading this & becoming “aware” are in relationships of some sort. You don’t just become a Dom with all the techniques, understandings, mannerisms, toys, etc. overnight. Likewise, one does not become a perfect submissive within an instant as well.

      I agree completely about the gateway, but the path is a lot longer than most realize to get to that place they envision.

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