The Dog Next Door

Scot should know better than to leave his MacBook alone when he’s “blogged in” wagwagwagwagwagwagwag

Forgive me if there are any typos. Its difficult typing on these fucking little black keys SQUIRREL!!!! I’LL GET YOU YET YOU BUSHY TAILED MOTHER FU..wagwagwagwagwagwag with your nose. Although after a few ales I’ve seen Scot try! WAGAGWAGWAGWAGWAGWAGWAG

Oh, forgive me. Allow me to intro STOP RUNNING AROUND THE YARD YOU FUCKING NUT GATHERING BASTARD!!! myself.

I’m the Dog Next Door! WAGWAGWAGWAGWAGWAG!!!!  Yup, that’s right. I’m the only one in this house who Scot has collared…literally. I wear it proudly. Its red.! I love red. And pizza crusts. And bacon! WAWAGWAGWAGWAGWAGWAG!!!!!

My name is JD. But my friends call me JD. Did I say I like bacon yet? wagwagwagwagwagwagwag

I have to type fast so I can Publish this before THAT FUCKNUT SQUIRREL TEASING ME GETS HIS OWN NUTS HANDED TO HIM ON A FUCKING SILVER PLATTER!!!! wagwagwagwagwagwagwagwag Scot comes back.

I call Scot Daddy. No, not like that. Pervert. grrrr And Leigh is my Mommy. wagwagwagwagwagwagwag When I’m not napping between meals or asking everyone to feed me I watch them.

You heard me, bitch. I watch them. Yes, like that. Pervert.

I’m writing a tell all book. Its going to be called Scene From The Floor. Clever, huh? I thought of that all by myself! WAGWAGWAGWAGWAGWAGWAG Oh, the things I have seen and heard and watched and waited until the screaming stopped so I could sleep or get breakie!

I love breakie. I use my manners. That’s right. I sit patiently, starving, while Scot or Leigh get my bowl full of breakie. I will not go near it until they say “OK”, OK? Scot calls it using my manners. He is big on manners. He has Mom use hers all the time. I don’t know where she goes in the bedroom. It’s not very big. But she is always asking if she can please come. I mean, Scot tells me to come all the time and I do come….running across the backyard to get back in the house.

Mom must run across the backyard twenty or more times a night, I swear! wagwagwagwagwagwag Wonder if she ever sees THAT FUCKJOB SQUIRREL??? wawagwagwagwagwagwagwag

I come every morning. Right from the couch into the bedroom. Mom is often in the backyard in the mornings as well. I wait until all the moaning and breakie manners are done. When I hear it get quiet or Scot moan loudly, I know it’s almost breakie time!

When I see Scot I stretch like us dogs do. Scot says I’m bowing to his awesomeness. Mom has a different word for when I stretch at Dad. She calls it delusional. I don’t know what that means, but apparently it involves rolling her eyes.

Mom wears chains. I don’t even wear chains! WAGWAGWAGWAGWAGWAG Mom also has a collar, but she doesn’t wear 24/7 like I do. I like my collar. Its red!

Mom and I do have one thing in common. I like to be spanked! I get all worked up and run around like a banshee on meth! WAGWAGWAGWAGWAGWAGWAGWAG!!! Mom just moans a lot and begs to go to the backyard again and again and again. It’s a nice backyard. I love to run in it and CHASE THAT FUCKING SQUIRREL but Mom really loves it. She’s always in the mood for Dad to play with her backyard. Or is that backside?

She asks to come a lot!! wagwagwagwagwagwagwagwag

My book is going to shock everyone. I’ve seen things that would make your tail stand straight up. Actually Mom’s tail is like that a lot. As are parts of Dad. He has a big…..tail. He’s the Alpha dawg. Word…

I love Scot. I love Leigh. They saved me. Now I have a beautiful home, a food bowl, couch privileges and A FUCKASS SQUIRREL TO DISEMBOWEL WITH MY BARE TEETH!! backyard to run around in and poop.

I have to come. Quick, Publish! Hi Dad!! WAGWAGWAGWAGWAGWAG

– JD