For Leigh

If this page only gets one view by a certain set of baby blue eyes that is fine by me…

I love you more than coffee…

– Scot

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Leigh Has Another Cute Musing

Gush

Gush gush gush

Washing the sheets at 1AM

Again

– Leigh (after reading Territorial Marking)

Territorial Marking

My fingers slide tango as I Lead you

follow me on the linen dancefloor of

your passion pent up tense tight fuck hot

slippery so be careful that

you say the magic

words to live by my hand

May I please come? You may come

Thank You

gripped wet calm fury before

the storm inside your eyes as

you groan into me slick

sweet nectar erupts as fuck!

syrup painting my arms chest face fuck!

May I please come? You may come

Thank You

dripping off drop slip pool

of lust collecting beneath your arched

hips thighs quiver moan

May I please come? You may come

Thank You

crying for love lust help me

help you to once more

May I please come? You may come

Thank You

screaming fuck sopping mess of candlelight

dreams of shadows in the moment beg

May I please come? You may come

Thank You

all over me once more

you fucking slut

May I please come? You may come

Thank You

laughing at the insanity of

May I please come? You may come

Thank You

screamed

May I please come?

You may come

Thank You

gushed

May I?

You may…

Thank You

drained

You are welcome

– Scot (reflecting on being literally showered by Leigh’s squirting orgasms and her lovely manners that had me naked in front of a washing machine holding sopping wet bed linen after midnight…again)

The Medium Is The Message

Somewhere Marshall McLuhan is smiling in his grave that his infamous phrase is being used on a BDSM blog as the basis for a post.

For those of you not familiar with this phrase, McLuhan coined it in his 1964 book Understanding Media, The Extensions Of Man. In this dissertation on the growing role of technology in the way contemporary society interacts with information, McLuhan stated that “the content of any medium is always another medium.” For example, the content of writing is speech, print is that of writing, etc.

Now the medium does not have to contain actual information. It just needs to act upon its environment to create change, difference, potential, opportunity.

A good example of his exponential application of this theory is the humble light bulb. A light bulb enables people to create spaces in darkness that would otherwise be enveloped by the light less void in space. So even absent of any content, like a post on a kinky blog for example, the light bulb acts upon its environment in such a way to alter its perception. The fact that this example is also the stereotypical “AHA!” idea moment symbol is not lost on me.

So what the fuck does this have to do with BDSM?

In reading many blogs, articles, web pages, accounts, books on BDSM and D/s I keep chancing across the issue of “Topping from the bottom.” This is where, within a D/s dynamic, the submissive is perceived to be “calling the shots” as opposed to the Dominant. They dictate the power exchange, or at the least contribute to the direction/speed/intensity of its flow, through this method. Of course this flies in the face of the what is to be expected role relationship. They’re the bottom, the submissive. They should not be controlling things, the Dominant should, right? That’s the whole idea, correct?

Yes, its a complicated dance. There are so many aspects to BDSM and D/s. Communication is vital, trust paramount. Limits must be respected at all times, but also pushed.

This is where Marshall and his light bulb come in.

I’ve read over and over and over, mostly by Dominant’s, that true D/s has no place for so-called Topping from the bottom. Yet most, if not all, of these Dominants cite protocols, ideals, practices, hell examples they have learned about from other Dominants. Many have mentors to aid in their development, to better prepare them to control their submissive(s). Which is all fine and dandy, but riddle me this:

– A Dominant, in their pursuit of knowledge, reads on a Dominant’s web site/blog of a scene/methodology/technique employed by themselves upon their submissive. Deeming it valuable and worthy of their efforts, they adopt the same and use it in their relationship with their own submissive. The results are very satisfactory, and both parties benefit from this new information.

In other words, the Dominant saw the light from another Dominant’s light bulb, deemed it good and installed the same light bulb in their own darkness (struggle/issue/dynamic) to great effect.

Got it? Good. Allow me to continue…

– A Dominant, in their pursuit of knowledge, reads on a submissive’s web site/blog of a scene/methodology/technique employed by their Dominant upon themselves. Deeming it valuable and worthy of their efforts, they adopt the same and use it in their relationship with their own submissive. The results are very satisfactory, and both parties benefit from this new information.

So far so good. If someone else’s submissive lamented how well this work, to their tortured, abused chagrin, that’s quite the compliment. So the learning Dominant employs it.

Let’s make this personal. Remove the impersonalization of static information in a book or on a laptop screen and make it interactive. Could be in person, email, text, chat, etc.

– A Dominant, in their pursuit of knowledge, communicates with their Dominant peer/mentor about a scene/methodology/technique employed by them upon their submissive. Deeming it valuable and worthy of their efforts, they adopt this suggestion and use it in their relationship with their own submissive. The results are very satisfactory, and both parties benefit from this new information.

Peer to peer. Mentor to student. All well. One Top to Another about a submissive they likely don’t know from a hole in the……well, a hole.

This too, is acceptable. So now the final scenario:

– A submissive, in their pursuit of knowledge, communicates with their Dominant about a scene/methodology/technique to be employed by them upon the submissive. Deeming it valuable and worthy of their efforts, they adopt this suggestion and use it in their relationship with the submissive. The results are very satisfactory, and both parties benefit from this new information.

Ut oh…Topping from the bottom. Can’t have that.

See what I did there?

Identical scene/methodology/technique. The only difference is who turned the light bulb on, or even installed the damn thing. That a Dominant would seek advice from any one else, faceless Names/names on a screen, or even a real Face for guidance…instead of the one person who would likely be the best to answer all their questions about the dynamic THEY share.

Same light bulb. Seriously, WHY does it matter? Are you hung up on protocol? That your submissive might *shudder* Top from the bottom to help you both?

Trust me, if fish could talk, they would be the best source of information on how to fucking catch fish.

I just don’t get it. What are they afraid of? Why?

Perhaps they would rather sit in the dark then turn on the closest, brightest, warmest light bulb they have.

– Scot

If Its Early Monday, I Have A Java IV In

Last week’s random musings as I caffeinated was nice. I enjoyed having a stream of consciousness not limited to 140 characters (shameless Follow me on Twitter plug.) or staying within the confines of a blog theme. So as mentioned last week, I think this will become a new regularly scheduled post – Monday morning coffee with The Dom Next Door™.

– The Torn saga….where do I begin? I am humbled that all of you responded to it so positively from both cathartic and written perspectives. I also owe a number of you a heart-felt “Thank You” for indulging my need to vent, purge, bleed, heal and introspect via extrospection of a very raw moment in Leigh & I’s journey. We are both in a much better place to continue our sojourn as a result of everything that transpired.

– Wasn’t Leigh’s perspective in Torn Act IV fucking awesome? I am trying very hard to get her more involved in the words on screen aspect of TDND™.

– I know, I know, I know. I have not forgotten Breaking Leigh. Act V will happen this week, hopefully VI as well (yes, its going to take a while to properly tell this one)

– I swear Leigh’s ass, aside from firming up beautifully since we started the blog, is also getting softer, but in a good way. I know you tenderize meat thru beating it, so…

– I think there is just one submitted question for Interview With A Vampire that has not been answered (Gina – your question about Leigh’s ability to have 300+ orgasms a month is on deck.) So feel free to ask away!

– I predict, as a result of my shameless tease, that next week’s IWASV will be the highest viewed one yet (heh).

– My first attempt at erotic fiction So Tell Me took a hiatus last week due to the author being a mental wreck. Last we left Scot he had just been chained to an antique couch by a sex therapist. My return to just being a normal sexual deviant combined with some free time should allow my word count to rise (heh)

– See what I did there?

– I’ve enjoyed a number of very interesting exchanges on other people’s blog via running comment conversations.

– I read the most fucking erotic book this week. Its contents were most delicious. I even got to try some things from it. Highly recommended.

– 200+ total Peekers™ and counting. Wow.

– Scapes are now in season. If you have never had them you are missing out on a real treat. Sauté them like you would fresh green beans. You’re welcome.

– Leigh and I attended a wedding recently. My KINKDAR was going off like crazy. There was one girl who I guarantee does anything, another girl who just oozed submission and a married couple that had a definite D/s vibe. I even got a kinky vibe from an antique photo! I may blog about that last one.

– Want a simple appetizer? Fresh, farm raised radishes + high quality, room temperature butter + a light dusting of coarse sea salt = nirvana

And my mug is empty. This needs to be rectified.

– Scot

Interview With A Submission Vampire Vol.1 No.6

Today was a much, much better Sunday for me emotional than last Sunday, as you all may remember via the saga that was Torn. Leigh and I had the perfect mix of getting shit done (cleaned out a crawl space closet and other chores) and selfish time with some take-out consumed picnic style near the water. It did us both some good to get some fresh air, our feet wet, our faces wind burnt and our cares discarded.

I needed this badly. I’m still, in my heart, trying to balance the scale from last week. So Leigh has been doted on quite nicely. Massages, quality time, etc. Please remember that, outside of the bedroom, we are equal partners. It’s when that door closes that I become Sir and she my doll.

But it wasn’t always like that.

Which segues into this week’s IWASV question. Again I must apologize for the tardiness of this reply. We went weeks without any questions, then were saturated with a plethora of them in a very short timeframe. We are just about caught up.

This week’s question is a two-part question from Mandy who wanted to know:

“I find that I’m extremely interested in, to be honest, at least the idea of being submissive. I suppose my question, or more accurately questions, is on the how. How do you discover if this is actually something that is more than just interesting and arousing, but something you want to do on the regular? 

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I think that the interesting and arousing leads you to the regular part if it’s something that you like and want more of. You find a way to make it happen more often, which in our case was easy because we had each other already. All this all transpired years into our relationship, it was something we had talked about and played around with over the years, but never committed to making it a part of our marriage. Honestly, it was Scot who suggested that he would like to take control of the things that went on in the bedroom. In the playing we had done previously, I knew that I liked it, and the idea of not having to be the one in charge.

It was sort of the next step for us, but I can tell you with 100% honesty that if we were not in a relationship, I would not seek this out for myself. Submitting to Scot in the bedroom is all about how I feel about Him and just Him. It’s because of Him that I choose to do this, so I’m not really qualified to answer outside our dynamic.

– Leigh

And the second part of Mandy’s question:

“How do you find a dom (or sub)? I suppose it’s the technical side of it that I have questions on, the matter of how to go about finding a dom.”

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In today’s digital age its a lot easier to find like-minded individuals who are not already a part of your life. And I am assuming that you are interested in finding someone to explore this aspect of your personality as opposed to looking for a potential mate who also can satisfy this curiosity.

Simply Googling “BDSM community” can yield a multitude of potential web sites that are specifically for this. Or “BDSM (where you live).” There may be a BDSM community near you and you could attend a “munch” (an informal get together of like-minded BDSM practicing people in a very public setting to promote ease of communication).

In that I do not use any of the community based sites I do not feel comfortable promoting them or provide a grocery list to shop from….sorry. As I have stated before, experience does not always equate to knowledge.

There are thousands of web sites set up by either individuals, groups, couples, even businesses that could provide tons of information as to the scene where you live.

Of course, with the advent of technology, you could explore virtual BDSM and D/s. Just remember that anything over the Internet is not 100% private and extremely easy to record, capture, etc. Tread very cautiously if you proceed in this direction and do NOT share any personal information that could get you in trouble….or worse.

In short, I would be very surprised if you could not find either web sites to create an account or of local organizations to assist in your quest, either from the privacy and anonymity of your couch or as public as you want to be. Just use caution and common sense when searching.

I hope this helped.

– Scot

A Peek Back 6-23

I need caffeine STAT…

Leigh and I were up very late/very early. It was a roller coaster, full of tender highs and mad lows. The dust from Torn has settled, but the fresh path we wore still needs work….LOTS of work.

Each Saturday A Peek Back allows Followers as well as first time Peekers™ to quickly review what has transpired over the past seven days.

If you are a neophyte Peeker™ I strongly encourage you to view the established Pages, all of which can be viewed by selecting any of the tabs at the top of this page.

The Archives is an inclusive, running version of every post of note on this blog. If you have not read any or all of the stories, random musings, poetry, etc linked from The Archives by all means please grab a seat, perhaps something to drink (I’m slamming this coffee), sit back and enjoy.

So, without further teasing (Leigh HATES that), A Peek Back:

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BDSM On A Budget – Let’s Go Antiquing! – Our great grandparents could have gotten kinky with what we repurpose

Interview With A Submission Vampire Vol.1 No. 5 – An award, double Q&A, plus Leigh answers what she enjoys about submission, but is not a sub

Torn – A 5 part story about my….well….just read it

Random Musings As I Caffeinate – The first of a new Monday feature: coffee with a side of Scot. It taste like bacon.

Reflections – If my last week’s life was a song…

KINKDAR – Every just sense that someone was…kinky? You’re not alone.

Who Am I – An erotic poem inspired by Torn

Intermission – A brief interlude for Torn

An Open Letter To The Frustrated Submissive Wife – My humble and neophyte .02 to the women in long-term relationships who now want their guy to become their Sir

Enjoy! I’m out of here for more java.

– Scot