Torn Act IV

(To read Torn Act I, Act II, Act III)

This is Leigh and I will be interjecting in italics. (kinky huh?) What your about to read is where Scot was at the moment. We have since talked it over a lot, and I have assured him that from my point of view, this played out a lot differently. I may have submitted to what he was doing, but there was no point that I was fearful or that I knew I couldn’t stop everything with one word. 

Scot has a hard time completely letting go and just doing what he really wants to. He struggles with what emotional trauma he is inflicting on me, but the thing is, he does nothing to me that I don’t allow. He has come a long way since the first time he lefts welts on my ass from a spanking that was amazing, but he still has a ways to go to accept what he is doing. We are working on the discovery of what does and does not work. It’s a work in progress. 

I think that this has triggered the same part of him that the spanking did, and he felt terrible about it. Me on the other hand, I think the whole thing was pretty fucking awesome. 

So read on friends, and I will continue to interject along the way.

With her arms limp at her sides she looked up at, the most innocently shattered look on that cute face. I aimed my erection directly at her lush, pouty lips. Did I see a slight quiver, or was that the best she could manage as far as a jaw-dropping reaction to my demand?

Jaw-dropping was not going to do. Fuck no. Jaw opening is what I wanted.

“I said, open” staring through those wet eyes gazing up at me, searching me for any hint of compassion, understanding, mercy. After what I had put her through, I might as well have been holding a gun to her face at this point with what I was demanding of her.

Silent seconds passed.


Our eyes locked. I call her my doll. At that moment she had one’s eyes. Where once danced the bluest eyes of fire now resided cold, flat, dull, lifeless glass orbs that reflected only my growing impatience.

When I read flat, dull, lifeless glass orbs, I had to wonder if we were even in the same room doing the same thing. I remember every flicker of emotion while this was going on during this, and I can assure you that I was present. In full-out sub role, but I was right there. 

Static crackled thick in the air and sucked the life out of the bedroom like a backdraft from a starved fire that, with the slightest hint of air, would suddenly combust into an inferno engulfing everything in its wake.

And right as I was about to tell her one last time with a voice that would leave no fucking doubt how pissed I was becoming…

…her mouth opened.

Oh hell yes, my mouth opened.

I slid my cock in between her flush lips, savoring the wet hot silk that lay behind them. My eyes closed in an almost rapturous lust at how amazing it felt. When she closed her mouth down around the entirety of my cock to, on the out stroke, provide some friction and suction I moaned loudly.

Again I invaded her, deeper this time, with more zeal. The mmpphbht that escaped her vocal cords was exquisite. I adore the sounds of sex, particularly muffled ones. Be it forced with my cock, accidental with her face in the mattress, or intentional with gags and a well placed hand, Leigh’s gasps, squeals, cries and screams are even more orgasmic when muted.

And right now my cock was conducting a symphony of the genre. I grew harder, pushed deeper, stroked longer, all the way devouring her surrender. She gives amazing head, but this was completely different. This was not given. This was taken.

I know Scot loves it when he hears my muffled cries, and feeling him surge harder and deeper when I did it was intoxicating. He was taking, and I was loving every second of it.

And I was starved for more.

I grabbed the sides of her head with my hands, digging their fingers into her auburn locks like snakes coursing through tall grass. Grabbing a handful in each, I squeezed each hand into a closed fist full of hair. Her muffled shrieks only made it that much more exciting.

I stared down at the vision devouring, well, being force-fed, my raging erection. The veins of my cock throbbed. I’m positive she could have taken my pulse with her tongue if I had let her. Over and over, again and again, in and out, as deep as I could in her my cock ravaged her stretched lips.

She raised her hands off the bed and placed them atop my wrists as to move them away.

“Hands down” I cursed as much as told her.

Leigh looked up forlornly between my forearms, my erection almost balls deep inside her. Our eyes met. I’m not sure what she saw, but I do know they widened as if she had seen something that scared her.

Pffft. It was not fear at all. It was the voice, the gruff commanding voice telling me to put my hands back down that sent me spiraling to ‘that place’ where I sank down into the pure sensation of what he was doing. 

Her hands returned dutifully to their place on the bed.

“Wise girl” I coldly offered as I offered her more of my cock.

I usually say “Good girl” when she complies with my wishes or demands. The fact I chose to remind her that it was a smart choice was not me at all.

Who said that?

Her gagged sobs and cries intensified with my continued abuse of her mouth. Fists clenched in rage for who the fuck knows why pulled hard at her red locks. My grunts and growls were interrupted by the occasional sharp exhale, like a bull might make.

Her fucked face was mesmerizing to watch, almost hypnotic in the raw power emanating from it. In hind sight perhaps it was a kind of trance I was in.

Grabbing her head, I tilted it slightly while lowering my thrusting hips a fraction of an inch…and pushed.


It felt like an entire inch more just slid into paradise. But that was impossible. I froze for a split second, gasping loudly at the new sensation engulfing the head of my cock. At about the same time her arms flew back up from the bed and grabbed my arms.

Her eyes were wide, electric. I could feel their begging.

And I main lined it.

“Hands DOWN!” I growled as my hips continued to explore the recesses of her oral cavity.

With a suddenness that even surprised me she shot them back to their unbound mental restraints. She was scared. I was possessed. It was unreal.

And I wanted more.

Again, not scared, but excited as hell. Scot doesn’t let go like this often, and never when we play, so having him filled with this barely restrained wildness was something I loved to watch and feel. I had no idea how far he would take it, and at that point, I was willing to follow his lead and see where we ended up.

Only moving until my cock head was merely reacquainted with her mouth I shortened my strokes. With each hip thrust….fuck…it was incredible. I’d never felt this sensation before. So wet, surrounding, hot, almost sucking me but not.

Leigh went silent except for the sound of her breathing.

Again and again my balls slammed into her chin as I held her head in a death grip. I was so far inside her, yet so far inside myself. Who the fuck was doing this? Why thrust was thrust I thrust almost thrust enraged thrust?

As far as I was removed from myself I still could see, way off in the distance, the semblance of structure. She had a safe word, had safe hand signals. She could use them at any time and I would stop immediately. It was more a safe whisper right then, but I could still see that one lonely star in the darkness that had enveloped me.

Or had she checked out? Lost it. Gone catatonic.

Leigh again, weighing in. I was not lost or gone at this point. Honestly, I was damned proud of myself for getting so much cock in my throat. The angle was perfect and it was something that I had been working on for a long time. I loved that he made me keep my hands down at my side while he drove it in. Yes there were moments where I couldn’t breathe, and that’s something that freaks me out a bit, but it didn’t get to the point where I even considered using the safe word. 

My mind stormed with my soul. I’m not sure where my heart went. My spirit was fighting for its life against some…thing..and losing.

I stopped fucking her face with one last thrust, just savoring the feeling of being so deep. After a few seconds like this I withdrew from her.

No, I didn’t fill her with semen. It was never about that. I wasn’t really sure why I took my cock away from her. It just felt like I got everything I wanted and needed. Ejaculating was not one of them.

She gasped loudly with a wrenching, gagging sound, as if she had been underwater. Her face was down, eyes on the floor. The only sound the both of us panting loudly.

Then she looked up…

…and I saw the tears trickling down her face in sheets. Not drops or even rivers, but a glistening sheen painting each cheek. Her eyes, my favorite place in the world, where I run to when I need shelter, were a bloodshot mess of pooled emotions. We stared into each other for what felt like a year.

What had I done?

I’m not sure how many of you reading this have ever truly deep-throated a large cock, but when it hits the back of the throat, tears flow and your nose runs. I wasn’t crying. I might have gagged a few times, but the glistening sheen on my face was purely a physical reaction.  I promise you that he did not break anything in me. 

And the sick part? Having to admit to myself that, deep, deep down in the darkest part of my soul, a part I apparently didn’t even know existed, there lived something evil. Something that escaped and took over.

Something that…..enjoyed it.

It was right then that I tore…

We have talked this over several times since. When Scot showed me this post, I insisted on sharing my POV as well, so that you all could see first hand the intent/struggle/truth that D/s forces couples to confront, especially if you are new to this and are coming from an already established relationship status.

There are boundaries that will be crossed, and sometimes, it will be hard as hell to accept them, as you see above. But they can be worked through, and hopefully will become the base for an even better relationship, both in and out of the D/s dynamic.

The keyhole to the door of possibility is unlocked by the key of communication.

– Scot & Leigh

Torn – Epilogue

23 responses to “Torn Act IV

  1. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this level of “wildness”. There are times I think I want/need that. It’s a level of taking that happens so rarely. I like reading how you guys talked through this. It reinforces how critical communicate is in a D/s relationship. Did talking about it make the situation more palatable?

  2. Wow.

    Leigh, I’m really glad this included your input, because it really clarifies the situation.

    Scot, I’m not reading anything here that makes me think you were evil or abusive or out of control in a bad way (and I’m a feminist and a therapist who works with trauma survivors, so I’m pretty sensitive to such things). It sounds like you went to a primal, growly space, which freaked you out. And you’re projecting that freak-out onto Leigh, who–in her own words–stated clearly that SHE LOVED IT.

    Lemme tell you, as a sub, it is fucking amazing when Himself goes to that growly place. It doesn’t happen often enough, IMHO. It’s never scared me; it has turned me on to an unbelievable degree.

    When we started our official D/s relationship and I started asking for things beyond the relatively tame spankings and take-downs that we’d played with before–when I asked him straight out to beat me–he had a lot of trouble with it at first. To the point of having nightmares, even. We talked about it too, a lot, and I remember very clearly him saying that he found it very disturbing that he was beating his wife…and that he was ENJOYING it.

    Never mind that I was enjoying the hell out of it too. 🙂 He’s a good man, and it took him awhile to wrap his head around the fact that it was OKAY. That, in fact, I wanted it.

    That was 11 years ago. We worked through it and it hasn’t been a problem for a long time. You two are still really new at this D/s thing, and it totally makes sense that one or the other or both of you are going to have some freak-out moments. But listen to your sub, because she’ll tell you if it’s too much, if it hurts wrong, if she finds it humiliating in a bad way, whatever. The trust thing works both ways, you know; just as much as she has to trust you in order to submit, you have to trust her to tell you if you go too far, otherwise this doesn’t work.

    Looking forward to the next installment, and Scot, I really hope you’re in a better place about this by now. If not, hang in there, it’ll happen as long as you and Leigh keep the communication going.

    Hugs to you both.


    • I cannot convey how much your taking the time to reply with so much heart means to me/us. We had never taken it, or perhaps its better to say I had never allowed it, to get that far.

      I have a fuse a country mile long. Its tethered to a temper worthy of that much fuse. I keep myself to myself, as hard at that may be to believe for many of you.

      I am dealing with the same “thing” (I’m going to have to name this entity…just my nature) your Himself (I still think of you know who 😀 ) went through – the mortifying reality that I, way deep inside, enjoy doing that to the woman I love.

      I’ve made no secret that I harbor a slapping fantasy. We have talked about and Leigh has given her consent that, when the mood is right, to explore it. That is my next Rubicon. But for the interem I will wade into the abyss that is me and do the best I can to be the best Sir to her. She deserves that.

      7 years of American football taught me the ability to turn my emotions off and on instantly, ironically for violent extremes punctuated by docile interludes. I just need to rewire that ability to….other pursuits 😉

      Thanks again.


      PS – If you have not you should blog what you shared.

  3. I’m so glad I read this. You two are amazing and you really are living my vision of what I hope to experience some day. I’m beginning to think that may never happen. But you both did a great job conveying the amazing psychology and “mind fuck” that fuels the fires and pushes the boundaries and brings people fortunate enough to really engage in a D/s life to amazing growth and closeness. THIS is the reason why vanilla will never be enough for me. THIS is the reason, that when done correctly…the D/s relationship takes love, adoration, and TRUST to heights those in vanilla will never understand. THIS is the reason why the choice of the Dom is so critical.

    Beautiful, in every way…both of you….xoxo

  4. Adding Leigh’s perspective was fascinating…seeing the proof that you were projecting your anguish over your actions on to her and learning that she was in fact loving every second of it – amazing…

    I cannot imagine a relationship like the two of you share…you are both amazingly wonderful…

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