A lot has changed since we started TDND™. Its been an amazing journey, hand in cuff (heh) into ourselves, much of which I have tried to share with all you Peekers™. Some of them very personal reflections of evenings that Leigh and I have experienced, some of them experiences of self-reflection, observation and introspection in and on the way the world now looks through leather colored glasses.

With that said, allow me to introduce KINKDAR™.

I now have it. It’s a lot like the stereotyped, socially defined “gaydar” of urban culture. You know, the ability to sense when the person you are interacting with in everyday life has an aura around them that other like-minded individuals can just feel? Well, kinkdar is the same thing. Only instead of a gut feeling that this person “plays for the other team” or is a “switch-hitter”, your inner pervert senses that you are in the presence of another kinkster.

I can’t describe it other than it’s a feeling or awareness of everything The Dom Next Door™ is about – kink hiding in plain sight. You just…know. It’s weird as fuck, but also incredibly amusing and entertaining.

For the record I do not ask or hint or flirt with anyone that sets off my kinkdar. I do not desire, nor want anyone aside from my soul mate and doll Leigh. But I do find myself more involved in any conversation or interaction. Body language becomes more acute, fluctuation of voice more audible, eye movements more perceived, how they play with words, etc.

I’m convinced that aspects of this are directly related to my being Leigh’s Sir when the bedroom door closes. I need to be focused on all of the aforementioned at all times as clues to how she is while I do unspeakable things to, in, on and with her. Her body language is key in that good pain and discomfort can become bad pain and an issue instantly. How her voice rises, falls, if she is even using it. If she can’t use it via a physical or commanded gag, then the aforementioned body language become more important (especially if she makes the non-spoken safe word symbol of touching pinkies to thumbs).

Her eyes fuck! her eyes. They speak louder than any word. I constantly swim in them, checking their temperature like a kinky Baby Bear for too hot or too cold. And of course her direct communication with me via her what I constantly strive to make filthier tongue.

So yes, as a result of being a Dominant my people reading skills have improved. But that’s not kinkdar.

When my kinkdar goes off it’s just that – a feeling, a hunch. And its been a hoot!

I’ll give two examples:

When Leigh & I went antiquing the young girl working the shop’s counter set my kinkdar off almost immediately. She was very proper, calm, reserved with hints of conversational peaks in her voice. Attired in a simple white blouse, just above the knee denim skirt, tanned suede boots with a matching beige knit scarf wrapped loosely around her neck. Pale in complexion, her 20something eyes were dark, mysterious, but her ear length, straightened brown hair said plain Jane all the way.

I wasn’t buying plain.

The way she handled herself and my simple inquires, how her voice rose and deflated, the excellent posture, the reserved yet involved way in which she dealt with resolving my question about some unpriced wrought iron drapery sconces in a booth (not for sale…fuck!).

She silently screamed “I have filthy skeletons in my closets.” It was wonderful to imagine how many, what kind, where and when and with who she let them out to play.

I could not get a bearing on what aspect of BDSM she was into. Perhaps a switch? Or was she kinky and didn’t know it yet? But there was no mistaking the vibe coming (heh) from her.

A second example, also a young lady, set off my kinkdar at work. To be honest my interaction with her was extremely fleeting, so given the hundreds and thousands of these I experience I cannot, sadly, paint you all a picture. She was also in her early to mid 20s, plain in appearance, very reserved in her mannerisms, eye contact and extreme use of social courtesies, which is always nice to encounter. Manners are a sore point with me. We would all be better off for it if “Please, may I and Thank You” made a strong comeback. But I digress…

This girl was submissive. Big time. And not just in a wallflower way, although I wonder how many of those blooms end up becoming either she or Her? No, she was definitely a flower that was either waiting to be picked or was already in Someone’s vase on a mantle. It was so loud it was defining to my inner ears.

I’m about to head out to run some simple household errands. Leigh hates to do this. I leap at the chance. Reflective of the ways we view people? Who knows?

But I do know my kinkdar will be on.

You just need to ask yourself if you’re inner kinkster shines through your everyday persona and shows up on someone else’s kinkdar. So when that man or Woman is staring at you, or you find yourself atypically engrossed in an otherwise mundane conversation about something harmless, just remember “ping…………ping…”…

…and wryly smile. You’re on KINKDAR™!

– Scot


30 responses to “KINKDAR

  1. I agree with you on the “kinkdar.” And for me, a lot of it is about shoes, particularly with women. Me… during the work day, I always have “fuck me” shoes on. I don’t know if many women wear 5 inch strappy shoes if they aren’t kinky, but to me, as soon as I put them on, I’m ready to get going… or maybe I should say get cumming!

    • I agree, but this is more “under the radar” as far as clothing that really is not hiding in plain sight. Many want to be seen as such & use fashion as a voice.

      Plus you have some women that “talk the talk” fashion-wise, but would never “walk the walk”.

  2. This makes me wonder if people are on to me. I rather like having a dirty little secret, though. And unless Vibram Five Fingers count, I never wear “fuck me” shoes.

  3. That is so funny. I was just over on our comments making up funny names for it too. Domdar, subvision, kaura. Then I come over here and get a good laugh. Haven’t even read the post yet, but I am about to.

  4. It’s not the kinky you sense, it is the submissive. And where there is a submissive, there is Kink. Nothing about me screams kinky. But I give off submissive big time to those with the eyes to see it.

    • In the one girl she was most definitely submissive. But the girl at the antique store? She was just kinky. Could easily have a multitude of anything, including Dominance. All I know is that she has a number of dark secrets based on what I was sensing.

  5. I need to pay more attention when I’m out. Maybe it’s just because I’m so secretive that I don’t look for that in other people.

    • Its not so much look with your eyes as much opening one’s mind to what may be hiding in there. There are lots of emos, punks, etc. who are quite vanilla. There are lots of librarians, drive thru attendants and dishwashers who are extremely kinky.

  6. Yes I that I am more educated in what to watch for, I, like Gillian, see collars everywhere. Some are just jewelry on young girls who would otherwise not have a clue, but those damn Tiffany collars with the heart locks…I always wonder whether or not the woman is sub or just playing around. But there are definitely kinks who walk among us…and I have been told I put out a vibe that makes people uncomfortable (more Angeline Jolie then Jenn Aniston)…but it’s not something I try to do or strive to project. But I seem to make women nervous and men avoid eye contact…esp on days when my sexual energy is peaking. *wicked evil grin*

  7. I wear underbust, overbust and have a steampunk corset, so maybe some people guess I’m kinky…I just got a black fake leather one. I wear them over T-shirts and shirts. I also made a vest top with one of my M/F spanking pics on it that says “Support traditional values. Bad boys need a spanking…and so do the cute good ones”. But I can’t bring myself to wear it.

    • This is so ironic in that Leigh got spammed by a corset site and we spent an evening looking at corsets. We are thinking a underbust whale bone/steel one so she can wear it when the flogger come out. It would be part of the ritual plus add some protection to her back.

      My .02? Wear the shirt, then blog the reactions 🙂

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