Let me preface this with the following:
I am a neophyte Dom in the most basic of definitions, one who is blessed to have as a submissive my soul mate, a woman who allows me the privilege of exploring BDSM through her mind, body, soul and spirit. I’m still learning the ropes (bad Dom joke).
Through our shared experiences behind a closed bedroom door Leigh & I journey together, hand in cuff if you will. We talk, share, explore, push, demand, resist. She has entrusted her sexuality to me, a gift that humbles me and one I do not take lightly. But fuck yeah, I do take it. A lot.
In return she has had a sex life the past five weeks that would be the envy of any woman. I’m not kidding when I say she has orgasmed, most times violently and repeatedly, in the neighborhood of 300 times in that time frame. I tell her I know her pussy better than she does.
And, during a handful of more intense and focused BDSM scenes/play she has entered subspace.
It’s a beautiful thing to basically see her drunk on her own pain. Watching over her body as she floats away so far inside herself, trusting me with the soft curves of the luscious flesh and bones she uses as a container for her sexy spirit while she’s gone.
I know she is still here, in there somewhere. But “she” is not in this reality. She is, “she” is not.
Yes Virginia, there is a subspace. It’s as real as the hair brush blistering your snowy white ass.
But where? What? How?
As a beginning Sir to Leigh I make it my duty to be the best one I can be to her. So I read. A lot. There are so many people who know so much about all the delicious aspects of BDSM and D/s play, countless millions I will never know. They have devoted years and lives to not just understanding WIITWD but literally live it 24/7/365. They write, share, speak, promote, all in an effort to help people like me help my doll get to where she craves to be.
I am NOT a reblogger. Personally I do not see the point of rehashing someone else’s thoughts, etc. Tumblr is insane in this regard. Its like the Amish on digital acid as far as incestuous information. Don’t get me started. So while I know of so many sources, websites, articles, etc. I just cannot bring myself to promote another’s efforts. Icing a cake does not make one a baker…just sayin’.
So while my actual experiences with being in (yes, I’ve been there) subspace as well as releasing Leigh into hers are fairly limited, I do feel a lifetime of experiences in simple human nature qualify me for, at the very least, a suggested hypothesis I have on subspace.
During an intense BDSM scene there will come a point where the self’s fight or flight mechanism kicks in. This is the body’s breaker box or surge protector. It acts as a fail safe for protecting the body and all its various components during situations of extreme duress. The central nervous system, when it senses situations that it perceives as a legitimate threat to the body, frantically starts sending “STOP” impulses, aka flight. It’s a selfish, overbearing mother who does not want to see its baby (the body) hurt.
Most people’s experiences with this likely come from intense exercise and/or physical exertion, which if you think about it is akin to intense BDSM. But you can “fight” this reflex and push your “self” past your own internal red line to new heights. Or, in the case of BDSM, trust another to do the same.
So you decide to fight. Now what?
The human machine is still the ultimate masterpiece of engineering. Its complexity is mind-boggling. In its design is the ability to protect the machine at all costs. It will decide for you what is and is not necessary at any given moment in order to keep the machine in a state of balanced protective custody. Ever hear “scared shitless” or “frightened the piss out of?” That’s cold fact. Your body will do just that when prompted with a situation that it deems so intense that social decorum is not a concern. You do not need a bladder full of urine or a colon full of feces taking up valuable resources right then. It gets rid of it so you can focus more energy at the cause of the stress. Vomiting after an intense exercise session is another prime example of allocating resources involuntarily.
The same holds true for the non-physical aspects of your “self”. When faced with an all-out assault on one’s body, mind, spirit and soul during, say, some bound flogging, the physical you cannot escape. Fight or flight scream at each other inside. Doubt calls Trust a stupid mother fucker. And all the while the flogger connects again…again…again…again. Endorphins and dopamine surge thru veins like so much street corner meth, giving your physical self a main line of pain relief.
But the “self” cannot escape.
Where can “you” go? What can “you” do to protect your “self” as you float higher and higher inside your own perceived reality?
“You” need a safe haven. So, just like the body physical, your inner self starts to get rid of aspects of its “self” that it deems unnecessary at the given moment. Think of it as being on a lifeboat that’s sinking fast in a violent ocean of chaotic waves of stimuli. You must start throwing shit overboard that’s not absolutely necessary.
So Logic goes. Reason is tossed, Resolve along with it. Pride? Who needs that? Fuck Pride! Its gone. Modesty was one of the first things to go. Ego? Really?
One by one aspects of what makes you who you are get thrown away. Or, more specifically, they are offered for safe keeping to the one person you Trust will care for them – your Dominant. Who, ironically, is the same one causing the storm.
You exchange control, or in other words the power to do so. A….
See what I did there?
Now, with all these aspects of your “self” in the possession of another, its simple logic that a void is created in their absence inside the submissive, a safe refuge that is free of almost all that which we know to be as ourselves, where gravity does not exist…
…a space for the sub to flee to.
To truly enter that deep, dark chasm that is subspace the submissive must take a leap of faith into the abyss that is themselves. And you fly, float, whatever away, leaving your body behind in the real world where your Trust in your Dominant is revealed as to how they manage all of what I just mentioned.
At least that’s my .02 on it.