A Humble .02 On Subspace

Let me preface this with the following:

I am a neophyte Dom in the most basic of definitions, one who is blessed to have as a submissive my soul mate, a woman who allows me the privilege of exploring BDSM through her mind, body, soul and spirit. I’m still learning the ropes (bad Dom joke).

Through our shared experiences behind a closed bedroom door Leigh & I journey together, hand in cuff if you will. We talk, share, explore, push, demand, resist. She has entrusted her sexuality to me, a gift that humbles me and one I do not take lightly. But fuck yeah, I do take it. A lot.

In return she has had a sex life the past five weeks that would be the envy of any woman. I’m not kidding when I say she has orgasmed, most times violently and repeatedly, in the neighborhood of 300 times in that time frame. I tell her I know her pussy better than she does.

And, during a handful of more intense and focused BDSM scenes/play she has entered subspace.

It’s a beautiful thing to basically see her drunk on her own pain. Watching over her body as she floats away so far inside herself, trusting me with the soft curves of the luscious flesh and bones she uses as a container for her sexy spirit while she’s gone.

I know she is still here, in there somewhere. But “she” is not in this reality. She is, “she” is not.


Yes Virginia, there is a subspace. It’s as real as the hair brush blistering your snowy white ass.

But where? What? How?

As a beginning Sir to Leigh I make it my duty to be the best one I can be to her. So I read. A lot. There are so many people who know so much about all the delicious aspects of BDSM and D/s play, countless millions I will never know. They have devoted years and lives to not just understanding WIITWD but literally live it 24/7/365. They write, share, speak, promote, all in an effort to help people like me help my doll get to where she craves to be.

I am NOT a reblogger. Personally I do not see the point of rehashing someone else’s thoughts, etc. Tumblr is insane in this regard. Its like the Amish on digital acid as far as incestuous information. Don’t get me started. So while I know of so many sources, websites, articles, etc. I just cannot bring myself to promote another’s efforts. Icing a cake does not make one a baker…just sayin’.

So while my actual experiences with being in (yes, I’ve been there) subspace as well as releasing Leigh into hers are fairly limited, I do feel a lifetime of experiences in simple human nature qualify me for, at the very least, a suggested hypothesis I have on subspace.

During an intense BDSM scene there will come a point where the self’s fight or flight mechanism kicks in. This is the body’s breaker box or surge protector. It acts as a fail safe for protecting the body and all its various components during situations of extreme duress. The central nervous system, when it senses situations that it perceives as a legitimate threat to the body, frantically starts sending “STOP” impulses, aka flight. It’s a selfish, overbearing mother who does not want to see its baby (the body) hurt.

Most people’s experiences with this likely come from intense exercise and/or physical exertion, which if you think about it is akin to intense BDSM. But you can “fight” this reflex and push your “self” past your own internal red line to new heights. Or, in the case of BDSM, trust another to do the same.

So you decide to fight. Now what?

The human machine is still the ultimate masterpiece of engineering. Its complexity is mind-boggling. In its design is the ability to protect the machine at all costs. It will decide for you what is and is not necessary at any given moment in order to keep the machine in a state of balanced protective custody. Ever hear “scared shitless” or “frightened the piss out of?” That’s cold fact. Your body will do just that when prompted with a situation that it deems so intense that social decorum is not a concern. You do not need a bladder full of urine or a colon full of feces taking up valuable resources right then. It gets rid of it so you can focus more energy at the cause of the stress. Vomiting after an intense exercise session is  another prime example of allocating resources involuntarily.

The same holds true for the non-physical aspects of your “self”. When faced with an all-out assault on one’s body, mind, spirit and soul during, say, some bound flogging, the physical you cannot escape. Fight or flight scream at each other inside. Doubt calls Trust a stupid mother fucker. And all the while the flogger connects again…again…again…again. Endorphins and dopamine surge thru veins like so much street corner meth, giving your physical self a main line of pain relief.

But the “self” cannot escape.

Where can “you” go? What can “you” do to protect your “self” as you float higher and higher inside your own perceived reality?

“You” need a safe haven. So, just like the body physical, your inner self starts to get rid of aspects of its “self” that it deems unnecessary at the given moment. Think of it as being on a lifeboat that’s sinking fast in a violent ocean of chaotic waves of stimuli. You must start throwing shit overboard that’s not absolutely necessary.

So Logic goes. Reason is tossed, Resolve along with it. Pride? Who needs that? Fuck Pride! Its gone. Modesty was one of the first things to go. Ego? Really?

One by one aspects of what makes you who you are get thrown away. Or, more specifically, they are offered for safe keeping to the one person you Trust will care for them – your Dominant. Who, ironically, is the same one causing the storm.

You exchange control, or in other words the power to do so. A….

…power exchange.

See what I did there?

Now, with all these aspects of your “self” in the possession of another, its simple logic that a void is created in their absence inside the submissive, a safe refuge that is free of almost all that which we know to be as ourselves, where gravity does not exist…

…a space for the sub to flee to.



To truly enter that deep, dark chasm that is subspace the submissive must take a leap of faith into the abyss that is themselves. And you fly, float, whatever away, leaving your body behind in the real world where your Trust in your Dominant is revealed as to how they manage all of what I just mentioned.

At least that’s my .02 on it.

– Scot


22 responses to “A Humble .02 On Subspace

  1. I’ve never actually done anything in regard to the acts of BDSM, I’m a complete virgin, but in a weird way I’m intimately acquainted with a form of subspace through my epilepsy. With each seizure I am taken to an alternate space one that is me and not me, one where every cell in my body is at one with the universe around me and one that I never want to return from because the piece is profound and mind-altering.

    I cry when I come back from a seizure and my family thinks its fear, but really it’s loss. One day, I’d like to achieve this state without my brain short-circuiting.

    Great post and best wishes to you both .. GC

  2. Interesting comment above mine…

    And, subspace is my favorite drug. I’ve done my share of mind alterations, but the natural means of subspace has been my highest high. I wrote a story called ‘Sky High in Ecstasy’ about it…

    Interestingly, that high is sometimes followed by a huge crash. Is called ‘sub drop’, usually. The emotional shifts are really intense.

    Heh. I have no idea how people *wouldn’t* be into BDSM. there is so much fun emotional and physical stuff to explore! wheee!

    • Yes, its very much like a mind altering substance. And don’t forget about Topdrop. Yes, Tops drop.Its actually a taboo subject in many circles. Doms are not allowed to show weakness this way. Bullshit. I have gone through Topdrop and it sucks, but its also very real.

  3. Like your mind shuts down? Nice use of anatomy and physiology to explain. I appreciated that. It’s quite interesting to me though. I’ve never been in that place before and I think I’d have to really trust someone else to take me there. Something else to think about. Insightful.

    • No, your mind does not shut down, but rather conscious, controlled thought processes take a back seat to the subconscious. You have to let go of what reality has conditioned you to do, feel, be…and fall into the darkest recesses of yourself. The place where dreams go to die. Its actually a beautiful sensation.

  4. Frankly, that all sounds terrifying, not so much because I don’t trust my Dom (my husband) but because I’m not sure I want to face . . . me. Maybe that doesn’t make sense. Letting the walls down like that, I’m just not sure what I might find.

    • Exactly. This is why our story “Breaking Leigh” is so important. I had to get her to a point where tears just…..started. Not out of pain but….just.

      You are very correct that its terrifying to face yourself. Its not like a mirror. This reflection comes from the inside out, not the outside in.

      In the midst of intense BDSM there will be a moment where you feel very raw & precarious. That is you standing, or clinging to, reality. Go ahead and let go. Just be. Not the wife, homemaker, employee, etc, etc. Just Gina. Its totally selfish. And its beautiful. Just make sure hubs knows and doesn’t freak out when you get there.

      Also, what goes up must come down. Be prepared for subdrop. Read up on its numerous manifestations. And make sure He is there to help you land softly. 🙂

  5. I’ve never been anyone’s sub, but I’ve left the building a number of times. Once was when I was first DVPd and truly fucked by two men simultaneously; other times have been when I have been punished with a cock well past coherency — I just float and give myself over to my lover (TN, if you must know) and trust him to do with my body what he will. I imagine in a D/s relationship it’s different from what I’ve experienced, but it sounds similar. Am I right?

    • No, its not. You are in your own version of subspace. Its very similar. You just got there on pure lust and not via pain. But the giving up, letting go….that is pure subspace.

  6. Hmmm.

    I’m not sure I’m grokking what you’re saying. Or if I am, then my experience of subspace is just different from what you describe.

    I was into the goth club scene for many, many years. I could dance for literally hours, and when I was able to do that (good music, no interruptions) I would feel myself go into an ecstatic state, much like my understanding of religious ecstatic states (e.g. whirling dervishes). It’s a dissociative state, yes, but for me, it doesn’t derive from a frustrated fight-or-flight reaction; it’s more like a hypnotic state type of dissociation, combined with a mind-altering dose of endorphins.

    Or maybe we’re saying the same thing in two different languages?

  7. The first two times Kayla entered subspace it was obvious and I let her linger. Then the third time, just as obvious, but more pronounced….she was just literally gone……as if she were completely high and she was. There was almost no cognitive ability, visual acuity was distorted and motor skills were all but gone.
    it was the deepest subspace I have ever witnessed, I wasn’t frightened by it….but I certainly was surprised by the depth of it. While II have read up on this…..nothing prepared me for witnessing this first hand. I cared for her as I always will, but in the back of my mind……it was a Holy Shit moment.

    • What a lovely scene you two shared. I too have had the Holy Shit moment once or twice. The one that particularly stands out to me is where Leigh was so deep that (she’ll deny this adamantly) her alter ego came out and talked with me, laughed, etc. But her eyes…..fuck. They were not my Leigh’s eyes. It was something out of a scary movie.

      • I can certainly appreciate the part about the eyes. Kayla’s look didn’t frighten me, but the emptiness in them, the lights were on but nobody was home, is what caught me off guard. That and the fact that she would slip in and out of this deep space, that she could return there in mere seconds, was something I had never experienced.
        Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

  8. I experienced subspace for the first time 2 days ago. Background – me and my husband have been together nearly 16 years, married for 10 years & 2 young kids. We’ve always been experimental and playful. Until a couple of weeks ago when we decided to start and take things further, still very tame by a lot of peoples standards.
    It was the first time we’d been able to use full restraint. Partial restraint doesn’t work so well on me because I’m a chronic squirmer who can’t keep still for anything lol. That or I end up trying to stop what’s happening even though really I don’t want to. I think the fact I was completely immobilised, combined with being unable to see (my request) was a big part of why it happened because I had no distractions. That and the fact I know I can trust him completely and utterly.
    I’ve always been a control freak with my own mind. I don’t do drugs (well nicotine & insane amounts of caffeine!) or get drunk because I’m not in charge of my mind, something else is. And I hate that feeling. But this was completely different, it definitely felt like floating, out of body or more specifically a feeling of weightlessness as though gravity had been switched off. I got to the point where I retracted that far into myself, that even though I knew what was happening and could feel what was happening, it no longer hurt. I could hear him speaking to me, but it seemed that distant he could have been several miles away. Being told to let go was all it took to shove me over that cliff and lose myself completely, experiencing something I never have before. I also started sobbing uncontrollably though at that point and I have absolutely no idea why. It wasn’t the same as when I’ve cried previously in relief. Despite crying, it was the most peaceful state I’ve ever experienced & I absolutely loved it. I definitely had a “WTF happened there!” moment afterwards.
    I felt like I’d been hit by a truck yesterday to be honest and couldn’t settle to doing anything, just wandered around aimlessly feeling somewhat dazed albeit with a stupid grin on my face. Mind you he had a stupid grin too, the kids probably think we’ve finally gone insane 😀
    One last point. The only other time I can say I felt anything similar was during the birth of our 2nd child. The 1st time I panicked at the lack of control instead of going with it, and that made it worse. The 2nd time I accepted what was happening and retracted and lost sight of everything else around me.
    Sorry for rambling, I needed to put into words what I experienced and I have no where else I can say it without getting funny looks from people.

    • First, welcome to WIITWD. You will, as you continue to explore, find that there is amazing freedom in total submission, in letting go and just being.

      Your reply is beautiful. It made my morning…seriously. Thank you for sharing a very personal and private moment with us. You are always welcome to do so here. You will never be looked down upon, though of as weird or in general made to feel different.

      Plus we drink obscene amounts of coffee 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s