This week’s IWASV Q&A is long overdue, as in we are in answering it. The Q comes to us courtesy of our good friend Gillian Colbert at Black Door Press. Gillian was one of the very first Followers we had, and Leigh and I are big fans (I’m bigger…heh) of her blog. She touches on a variety of topics in an articulate, yet approachable manner that often is marinated with humor. Check her & The Black Door Press out.
She emailed us the following:
“I’d like to know about the “aha” moment for you both when you realized you were kinky or at the very least not vanilla.”
Leigh: Well, I was being blindfolded way back when in high school with my then boyfriend, but I never really considered it kinky. I didn’t start out with any preconceived notions about what sex was and wasn’t and I was and still am pretty open-minded, so it was always, “Hey, let’s try this!” and me saying, “Sure okay!”
With Scot, it was the same way. Last week I answered a similar question, and I said that it was mostly me tying him up and using a belt on him the first few years. I think that one night, he was behind me doggie-style and smacked my ass and we both went WHOA, Hello! So we started playing around with him taking the Dominant role, and found that it was 1000% better.
There was no aha moment for me. It’s a part of my personality that’s always been there and I never really considered it to be different or kinky or non-vanilla or vanilla. Sexually, it’s just who I am. Which leads to another interesting point as well. Our definition of vanilla has definitely changed over the years. Contortions and blindfolds and mouth covering is pretty vanilla for us, and the kinky aspect has moved into cuffs and floggers and nipple clamps and restraint, which may end up in turn becoming vanilla if we move on to something more extreme.
And honestly, I’m not even sure I am kinky. Who’s to say really, because who defines what is kinky and what is vanilla after all? 🙂
Scot: Is there any question, after reading the pearls that just fell from my doll’s mouth, why I adore her? Sigh….
Like a lot of kinksters, my first forays into what most people call kinky was with blindfolds and simple restraints. A big step in self-admission was ordering the ubiquitous pre-tied, pink nylon rope sets from Adam & Eve catalogs. I know, I know, hopefully you all don’t think less of me or have your cursors hovering over the “Unfollow” tab at that sad admission. I was young, stupid, horny and all I knew is that I liked to be tied up, even with cheap Japanese rope in feminine hues.
I’m not a small guy. I’ve had a partner confess that part of the excitement was sleeping with someone who (her words, not mine) “could snap my neck like dry spaghetti.” So of course I found it arousing to be placed in a position of vulnerability, helplessness. In hindsight (heh) it’s likely made me a much better Sir to Leigh in that I KNOW what its like. I know the need of release, the rush of adrenaline, dopamine and endorphins, the strain against binds, the uncertainty of what may or may not happen.
And I use it against Leigh all the fucking time.
I concur with Leigh. What is kinky to us is ho-hum to many. What is de facto bed play for us borders on taboo for the rest. But where is that divider? Is there one? I know its adjustable. Ours has shifted a lot farther to the left than it was just a month ago. And as my doll alluded to, who knows where it will be by Christmas? A year from now?
I can say I have had a lot of “Oh yeah” moments, but as far as “Aha!” it would have to be the first time I not just confessed to Leigh my desire to explore a spanking relationship but that first time we really tried our hand at it. Actually it was my hand but I digress…
Its taken me half a minute from that last sentence to type this as I floated off, fingers over MacBook, recalling that beautiful evening when she floated away on the sting on my palm on her snowy white cheeks. I admit I was mortified beyond words the following morning at the welts that covered her backside.
I’ve gotten over that. Moved the divider, if you will. More like we have. Who knows what kinks, if such a thing exist, lie ahead?
All of you will, that’s who.
– Scot
The Dom Next Door 
That was a good question. Definitely an interesting look into her mind on that. Your relationship and your emotional maturity is impressive. I imagine it comes from being together for a while.
Thanks! We had a great discussion about this last night as Leigh was working on her reply while having her feet massaged….with lotion….for half an hour.
I’d never been able to multitask under those circumstances. I’m easily distracted when I’m being touched good on her for working under pressure. Lol
Thank you both, my dears, for such an interesting and enlightening response. I have to say, my own definition of vanilla vs kink is very fluid at this point with pointer moving more and more where what once seemed “kinky” no longer is. There are so many things that I once thought I’d never consider that are a “how soon can I do it” now.
Best wishes and thanks for the kind words for BDP.
GC
You are most welcome and thank you for such a great question. It sparked a very interesting conversation between us.
I’m working on a blog post along the lines of vanilla being the new kink. It definitely takes into account the dividing line, etc.
Interesting. I was actually curious about this for you two… For me, kink was my obvious need early on. And switching, while fun in a party sense, isn’t natural for me. I do wonder if I’ll change.
So I find it intriguing to learn of couples like you. It’s interesting to see how kink develops in others.
Like.
It is interesting. We want TDND™ to never be just a sex story site, but rather so much more as far as us, who Follows us & the journey. And coffee.
I’m just going through some old posts and reading for pleasure. Not that pleasure…okay, maybe MOSTLY not that pleasure. 😉
I was just motivated to comment because I’ve been thinking more and more that the best Doms/Dommes have been a sub first. To know both sides of the equation.
I appreciate the comment. I do feel understanding that side of the dynamic makes me a better Dominant. No better way to know how one feels than to walk a mile in their moccasins.