Noun: The exercise of control or influence over someone or something, or the state of being so controlled.
Noun: The action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another entity.
But…but…where’s the part about the collars and cuffs and beatings and “Yes Sir” and/or “Yes Mistress?”
There is none. Free your mind. Get over it.
D/s has NOTHING to do with sex. Or leather. Or whippings. Or “On your knees NOW!”
Now you can apply it to those kinks. Many do, to the point that the term is synonymous with the like. Of course it is. When one person submits to another inevitably that power structure will be exploited to vices, perversions and pleasures of the flesh. Its simple human nature. Every single advent in the human race will, as soon at it is developed, be applied to sex in one way, shape or form. The internet is a beautiful example. Perhaps our society’s greatest achievement and the fact you are reading a blog dedicated to BDSM right now on it?
I rest my case.
Domination is just that. As is submission. The hardest core Dominant submits all the time in day-to-day life, and probably has no idea they are doing so. Think about these:
How often does your checkbook balance Top your desires and forces itself on you? It’s just a ledger of paper fill with binary code and arbitrary, hand written phrases. Yet it Dominates the lives of trillions of people every second of every day.
Do you have a pet? Ever sift a litter box or scoop steaming piles of dog shit off a lawn or a public setting? Think about what you just did. Who is whose bitch then?
I bet you work. You likely have a boss. Hopefully you have customers. How many times a day do either or both of them dictate exactly what you are going to do, when you are going to do it and how often? That wording sound familiar to you perverts who peruse the darker blogs and aspects of sexuality? How often does “Glenn on Line 1” rule your world? Who the fuck is Glenn? I’ll tell you. He’s your Top for that moment, that aspect of your life. As is the person who, if you don’t do as Glenn wants, will no longer sign your paychecks…
…that you record in your checkbook…
…that you use to buy more cat litter…
…to replace the piss soaked boxful you had to change before you left to go to work and do what Glenn wants….or else.
People submit all the fucking time. They also Dominate every day. And its a beautiful thing. Thank Who or Whomever or Whatever you believe in for it. Because it keeps you whole. It balances the scales. It allows submissives to be Dominant without knowing it as well as Tops to service assholes with a smile.
Now granted the D/s dynamic most of us accept has nothing to do with the above. Or does it? D/s, in its stereotypical definition, can be pushed to a true 24/7/365 Master/slave relationship. But within lies the paradox. Envision the power brokers of society, the politicians, business CEOs, banking heads. Could be male or female, makes no difference. Their worlds are filled with people telling them “yes” all the fucking time. So it comes as no surprise to often read about these same people willing, no, needing to paying huge ass sums of money to a professional Dom or Madam to be treated as dirt. And the beautiful part? That dishwasher or janitor during the light of day may be the one who gets to tell those millionaires what to do, when to do it, how to do it, why and how often.
It’s a dance. A beautiful fucking dance whose climax can be when two souls consent to submit to and Control the other. It’s as deep a love as I can comprehend. Leigh and I are experiencing a 2nd courtship as a result of not just BDSM but more specifically the Trust, Communication and Love it generates. But to limit the definition of that dance to one set of steps to one kind of music is, to me, foolhardy and selling it way short.
Embrace the opportunities to balance your scales. You’ll be a much better submissive and Dominant for your dance partner when you tango with leather gags and orgasm denial in the dark.